I received an email from a client recently who wrote:
"I don't know exactly how, but our work together is helping me get over stuff easier. I'm able to stop things from ruining the rest of my day."
The next day he wrote:
"After the role play we did, things have definitely shifted. Women are responding to me and are clearly interested. In fact, they knew my name before I introduced myself!"
It got me thinking…
It can be hard to explain why the work I do with men has such a powerful impact on their lives. In the role play it took about 30 seconds to identify what he does that's pushed women away for years – maybe his whole life!
But beyond better connections, relationships and sex with women, there is also incredible growth in leadership and internal shifts that bring more ease, joy and fulfillment.
As I considered his "I don't know how this is happening" I found a new clarity that is useful for you too.
You see, most people are walking through their days in some kind of fight with themselves, thinking they should be better or different.
This internal fight affects everything! Sometimes it drains you. Sometimes it makes you tense. It can make you spacey, disconnected, anxious…
This client, let's call him Tom, became able to stop things from ruining his day because his internal fight relaxed. Thus he had more freedom in himself in the midst of challenging situations. He didn't feel as riled up or explosive because he was no longer knotted up inside.
As Tom shifted from judging, shaming and doubting himself to being more playful, compassionate and accepting, the pressure valve released. He stopped walking around like a volcano, about to explode because of the internal grind.
When that fight gets resolved in you it's easier to connect with women. You can respond with play or depth, rather than react from fear or anxiety. You can be curious rather than flustered. You become comfortable enough with your awkwardness to stay present even as it's there, and create spark and excitement.
Ending the fight causes the shitty things that have happened over and over, to shift. Your clarity and power become easily accessible. What used to seem confusing is suddenly so obvious you can't believe it wasn't before. Your desires become more apparent. Your vitality and energy comes flooding back.
So if there is a part of you that is still doubting, shaming, blaming or dissing yourself, it's time to make it stop. It's not always easy to do on your own, which is why I, and my colleagues do what we do.
Fortunately, at the beginning of next year I am launching a free interview series with experts called Man Alive! It will be about shifting from fear, shame and compromise to power, choice and confidence, in dating, sex and love.
I'll send more info. about it soon. For now, start to pay attention to those internal voices that say you should be different. Get curious and actually inquire with them about why they have that perspective. It may be weird to have an internal dialogue with yourself but it's powerful.
If you feel ready for a big shift and need support I have a few spots opening up in the new year for private coaching. Respond to this email to get on the waiting list. Let me know what struggles you face as a result of this internal fight and what you want your love and life to be like instead.
May your thanksgiving be full of joy and gratitude.