Many men I’ve coached forget that women feel nervous and awkward too.
Part of my mission with you, with all men, is to let you behind the curtain, to make sense of women and humanize the experiences we share. So you can stop feeling alone, or less than.
Because every woman I’ve ever met, at times, struggles to remember her own worth. And when you really get that, connecting with women is much easier.
I found a journal entry from years ago when I was struggling with dating.
As vulnerable as it feels to share, my hope is that seeing inside my mind and heart will help you see that you’re not alone. And will relax the part in you that thinks you need to be perfect or have it all together.
Here’s the journal entry:
The heartache I hate feeling. Ripping open my insides. Calling everything into question. My worth. My beauty. My attractiveness. My intelligence. My sense of humor. ALL of it.
I remember laying on girlfriends’ couches in my 20’s, barely able to eat or talk, letting my aching heart heal.
Am I really here again? With this ache? In my 30s?
Will he call? Will he text? Will he want me?
Are his actions signs that he doesn’t want me? Or signs of his own fear and insecurity?
Should I bail now so I don’t look like a fool? If I risk sharing my desire and he says No, can I face him and others?
I’m on the road to insanity or to profound growth. Likely both. I know it’s time to do the practices I need to stay sane and to reach out for support.
I feel the tender awakening of voracious hunger. The kind of hunger that may never be satiated in human form, but god knows my body and heart try. This hunger feels like a root canal for my heart but leads me deeper to truth.
Thank you Kahlil Gibran for laying out the path:
“For even as love crowns you so shall he crucify you. Even as he is for your growth so is he for your pruning. Even as he ascends to your height and caresses your tenderest branches that quiver in the sun, So shall he descend to your roots and shake them in their clinging to the earth.”
So please remember that you’re not alone in your self-doubt, your awkwardness or your hungry body. And that it doesn’t make you weak, small or less than a woman.
We women share this humanity with you.
Remind yourself of your amazingness.
Forgive yourself for your humanness.
Then you can stop looking for proof of your greatness outside yourself, in your connections with women.
The proof is within. No question. You are an incredible man!