I wanted to send you a message. But I didn’t know what I wanted to say.
Then it hit me!
I often hear this from men. “I don’t know what to say to her.” Or “”what would I say to her?”
In a recent coaching session I realized my client was pressuring himself to carry the weight of the WHOLE conversation. As though the women he talks to have no part in keeping the conversation alive.
Have you ever felt that way?
Have you tried to figure out the next thing to say before a woman responds to your first question?
It’s time to take the pressure off. It doesn’t have to be so hard!
Here are 5 powerful ways to counter the “I don’t know what to say” mentality:
If no words come to you, you don’t have to hide that. Look her in the eyes and say, “I’m not sure what to say to you right now.”
Then pause and take a breath. See what she says. If she doesn’t say anything, check to see what you’re curious about or what you appreciate about her.
If you stay relaxed, rather than panicked, you’ll find your words more easily and she won’t want to run away. It can even become a playful conversation.
Take time NOW – before you connect with new women – to think about what you like to talk about. What inspires and excites you? Note: if your answer is nothing, it’s time to find things that make being alive exciting for you!
Have one simple question you use to start any conversation. From there you can learn to be an amazing conversationalist — to ask questions that evoke women’s emotions, truth, trust and attraction.
My favorite simple question is, “How’s your day going?” There’s something new to talk about every day!
Once she responds, follow the threads of what is most interesting or exciting to you.
Let her carry some of the weight of the conversation. Allow her answers to guide what you say next. It’s not about figuring this all out ahead of time. It’s more like following the breadcrumbs she lays out with her communication (verbal and non-verbal).
You can also ask what she’s excited to talk about or what questions she’d love to be asked.
Go deeper. Beyond the part of you that feels frozen or stuck there’s another part of you that is genuinely curious and relaxed. Take a breath and remember the part of you that’s often alive and well with people you trust.
Here’s one more thing to remember…
Key #5 in my Essentials of Attraction Most Men Never Learn is: Embracing Awkwardness Dissolves Awkwardness.
When you accept that it’s awkward to be human, life becomes easier. Even if on the surface, the woman in front of you seems to have it all together, she is a human being who feels awkward and struggles just like you.
Try this exercise this week to make it easier for you to create engaging conversations:
Think of a recent conversation where someone told you something you didn’t know.
Come up with 5 questions you could have asked.
There will be hundreds of possibilities so this isn’t about getting it right. It’s about building the muscle of making conversation.
Post conversation topics you can’t think of questions for here and I will help! Or post the questions you come up with!