Being honest about who you are is one of the foundations of a relationship that strengthens and deepens over time. The more you know yourself, the less likely you’ll be to lose yourself in an attempt to keep the peace or make someone else happy.
What many people don’t realize is that “who you are” is not just about your desires, preferences, fears, etc. Being human is more complex than this!
While many of us have a sense of ourselves, that doesn’t mean we have to believe, or buy into, our stories about ourselves, or our partner’s stories about themselves. We don’t have to pigeonhole ourselves, or others, into a fixed personality, or identity. As we discover that we have many truths (including many layers of thoughts and feelings) we start to see what psychologists and spiritual teachers are pointing to these days; while it seems like we are one cohesive self, we are actually made up of many parts, or selves. Each part has its own desires, fears and even affects.
The more we know and can witness these parts, the more we can choose which ones run the show, rather than having our lives run by the ones that create messes!
Today’s Man Alive podcast guest, as part of our special Honest Sex series (to celebrate the release of my new book!) is teacher and mentor Sarah Marshank. Sarah is the founder of Selfistry, an integrative educational ecosystem for mastering the art of being human. She draws on a decade spent in meditation and spiritual practice, and her subsequent re-integration into life. Sarah’s wisdom informs embodied and soulful practices that allow us to accept and become more artful with our messy humanness!
In our conversation we discussed…
- Different types of honesty and how effective they are
- The recognition that we have internal parts, or selves, rather than being one cohesive whole
- The growth and intimacy that can happen in romantic relationships when we learn to witness our selves
- Speaking more intentionally, and with recognition of how we impact others
- How becoming more conscious of our selves has a far reaching impact in community and the world
Many people have a fundamental idea that we are who we are. This has people say things like “This is just who I am,” or “This is just what I do.” But by learning to choose which parts/selves speak for us, we become more loving and effective communicators. I talk about this a lot in my new book: Honest Sex! For a limited time you can get the Kindle version for only .99. Click here to get it, as well as your free gift: 36 questions for better sex and more intimacy.
The paperback will be released in a couple weeks. Keep an eye out for it!
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Sarah Marshank MEd. is the founder of Selfistry, an integrative educational ecosystem for mastering the art of being human. Based in the SF Bay Area, Sarah teaches and speaks internationally, consults for organizations, and works one-on one with individuals. Weaving together spirituality, psychology, and neuroscience in an innovative way, Selfistry is ideally suited for the development of the modern human. Sarah has designed and delivered targeted programs for eBay, non-profit spiritual organizations, and family systems. Her advanced training in facilitation and organizational leadership helps her meet people where they are and bring their potential forward — to change the world one self at a time.