When we unknowingly fall into gender roles, life can be more stressful and less fulfilling. Today’s guest talks about how to move beyond cultural norms to create more freedom and understanding across genders.
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Show notes
As we near episode 300 of the Man Alive Podcast I’m considering making some big changes, so keep an eye out! For today, I wanted to bring you a woman ally. I love bringing women to the podcast to remind men that there’s more support out there than they may realize, and to support understanding between genders.
As we think about gender roles, they are not psychological traits, they are actually the result of culturally defined norms. These norms continually change and are often contradictory, which leads to a kind of stress known as gender role strain. Expanding our view of gender roles, to include a wider range and acceptance of human variety, can help create freedom for you, and more peace in relationships.
Holly Sweet joined me on Man Alive. She is a licensed psychologist in private practice in Boston, the co-founder of Cambridge Center for Gender Relations, and the co-author of #Me-Too Informed Therapy: Counseling Approaches for Men, Women and Couples. She is also the editor of Gender in the Therapy Hour – Voices of Female Clinicians Working With Men, and was the first female president of the American Psychological Association for the Study of Men and Masculinities.
In our powerful conversation we discussed…
- Misperceptions about men and how to help women understand men
- The challenge men can face in taking the initiative
- How women and men may be less different than we realize
- The importance of cross-gender compassion
- Holly’s history as a feminist with a background in sociology, who knew something was missing
Holly is a wise woman with incredible compassion for and understanding of men. This episode is powerful if you’ve felt judged or misunderstood by women. When you’re done with this one, check out this episode where I coached a man on his relationship with his wife. It is a powerful example of a man who is willing to be vulnerable and continue to grow and deepen his relationship, in a way you can too.
Links:
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Bio:
Holly studied sociology at the University of Sussex, England where she earned her B.A. in 1971. In 1975 she received her M.Ed. in Counseling from Northeastern University, where she worked with students in the Counseling and Testing Center. After graduation, she became an Outreach Counselor with troubled youth on the North Shore in Massachusetts where she used a variety of traditional and non-traditional methods to reach out to adolescents with behavioral problems.
Drawn to the world of teaching as a way of helping people understand more about themselves and the world around them, she started working at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, running a student- centered alternative freshman program, doing informal counseling, running women’s support groups, and teaching seminars with an experiential focus. Seminars taught included Psychology in Action, Three Approaches to Psychology, Gender and Science, Psychology Looks at the First Year, Composing a Life: Self-Exploration through Photography, Art and Writing, Psychology of Hope and Fear, Psychology of Emerging Adulthood, and The Art and Science of Happiness. In 1997, one of the seminars she developed with a male colleague (Sex Roles and Relationships) won an award at MIT for the most significant contribution to undergraduate education that year. This seminar became the foundation of a peer consulting program on improving gender relations at MIT where they helped students become peer trainers and run workshops on topics such as “Flirting 101” and “Getting Along and Getting Ahead: Sex Roles in the Classroom.”
In 1986, she entered the Ph.D. program in Counseling Psychology at Boston College. During her time at BC, she conducted individual therapy at the Cambridgeport Problem Center with clients who were experiencing serious mental health issues, including substance abuse, trauma, and major depression. She counseled female graduate students at MIT and ran a woman’s group focused on developing assertive behavior. She worked in a day treatment center for women at the South Shore Mental Health Clinic in Quincy, MA, and did outpatient counseling with clients with a variety of issues, including major depression, anxiety, self-destructive behavior, and trauma histories. In 1995, she held a two year post-doctoral fellowship at the Boston Institute for Psychotherapy.
In 1999, she established a private practice in Brookline, MA, where she currently sees individuals and couples, with a focus on skill building and practical strategies to cope more effectively with their problems.
In addition to her career as a psychotherapist, she co-founded the Cambridge Center for Gender Relations in 1990. CCGR is a consulting company that specializes in offering non-blaming, gender-balanced and experiential training and workshops for a variety of clientele, including universities, businesses and psychological associations. She is currently President-Elect of the Division of the Psychology of Men and Masculinities of the American Psychological Association, with her tenure as president starting in January 2017. Her main focus is establishing greater collaboration with associations with similar interests, and bringing the awareness of gender issues into the public eye. She is a member of the American Men’s Studies Association and the Massachusetts Psychological Association where she co-founded a special interest group on men’s issues.
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