Men are dying younger and living sicker than others. Having spent twenty years working with men, I believe in men’s goodness. I see that while there are men who abuse their power, there are many incredible men who want to do and be good in the world. This episode highlights three leaders in men’s work, Dr. Jed Diamond, Ted Bunch and Kenny Mammarella D’Cruz. We look at the state of men and how what men need most right now can’t be separated from what the world needs most right now.
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Show notes
I’m going to dive right in and cut to the chase. Today’s episode of the Man Alive podcast is #300!
I can hardly believe it. I was committed to recording 100 episodes, but never dreamed I’d record 300.
I wanted this to be a special episode, and decided to dive into the current needs of men, and how we can continue to support men to live healthier, happier, longer lives, while having a positive impact on the world. I invited three men who have been working in the field of men’s work for 100 years collectively! I’ve had the honor of getting to know these men over the past 5-10 years and respect and trust them implicitly. I am grateful for their work in the world, for the depth of their hearts, and for how they have supported me personally and professionally.
Today’s guests are:
1. Jed Diamond, founder of MenAlive and the Moonshot Mission for Mankind. He has a masters of social work, a PhD in international health, and has been a therapist for over 40 years, supporting men, and the women who love them to eliminate the stresses that undermine their health and wreck relationships. He is also the author of 16 books including the international best-selling Male Menopause, The Irritable Male Syndrome, The Enlightened Marriage, and 12 Rules for Good Men.
2. Ted Bunch, co-founder and Chief Development Officer of A Call to Men. Ted is internationally recognized for promoting healthy, respectful manhood, while preventing violence against women. He is a leading voice on these topics as well as issues of male socialization, diversity, equity and inclusion, and promoting gender and racial equity. He is the co-author of The Book of Dares: 100 Inspiring, Creative, Fun Challenges for Boys. Ted has trained athletes in the NBA, the NFL, the National Hockey League, Major League Soccer and Baseball in healthy masculinity.
3. Kenny Mammarella D’Cruz, founder of the MenSpeak community (launched in 2000). He holds live and online groups, trainings, and supervision, to provide a safe and effective – and even fun – place for men to be heard and get real, to be supported and know they are not alone. He’s had daily online men’s circles since the pandemic! Kenny created a Step-by-Step Guide to Facilitating Personal Development Groups for Men, recognizing that facilitating men is a different game.
In this deep and important episode we discussed so many topics…
- The tendency to identify as a role that cuts off one’s recognition of their whole self
- What hurts men most
- Calling men in rather than calling men out
- The end of the age of the lone ranger and the individual hero — the collapse of systems of domination and the rise of systems of partnership
- The importance of integrating one’s shadow
- That we cannot separate men’s work from women’s work
- The need for context for traditional masculine values, rather than deeming them toxic
- How to create safe spaces to talk about masculinity and male socialization
- The importance of supporting men with transparency, vulnerability, and emotional health
- The fear of abandonment and humiliation that is common for men
- What it’s like to show up, rather than feel a need to show off
- Allowing for flexibility to experiment with who you are
- Phases of maturity
- How men can learn about themselves, and learn from each other
- Getting to know your inner child
- Gender archetypes that allow you to have more freedom
- Unhealthy behaviors that span across the gender spectrum
- How men who have experienced trauma need hope and healing
- What doesn’t get dealt with when men jump into fix-it mode (for themselves and with others)
Please share this episode. It’s an important one for not only men’s healing, but for our world, our communities — for all people.
As I neared the 300th episode of Man Alive I realized that reaching this milestone was also going to mark a big change. After 7 years of the Man Alive podcast, I am moving on. The exciting part is that I’m creating a new podcast. It will continue to support men, and will support people of all genders to understand love and have fulfilling relationships. I’ll share more about it soon. Keep an eye out for part 2 of episode 300, and more about the new podcast.
Finally, I have a request. While I spoke with incredible people as I recorded this podcast, I was often in the dark about the impact the podcast had on listeners. I heard great feedback here and there, but it would mean a lot to me to know how the podcast impacted you. If you’re willing, simply hit reply and share with me. I can feel how knowing the impact I (and the podcast) have had, will provide me with energy to continue working and podcasting!
Links:
Connect with Dr. Jed
Connect with Ted
Connect with Kenny
Connect with Shana James
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Bio:
Jed Diamond
Jed has a masters degree in social work and a PhD in International Health. In 1968, he founded MenAlive to be a health program that helps men live long and well. Though focused on men’s health, MenAlive is also for women who care about the health of the men in their lives. His passion in life is to support men, and the women who love them, in eliminating the stresses that undermine their health and wreck relationships.
His mission with MenAlive seeks to help men, and the women who love them, successfully navigate the unique stresses of life in the 21st century, so that all our relationships can survive and prosper.
The economic and ecological changes going on in the world are unprecedented in human history. Everyone is impacted, but particularly men, and more specifically men over 40. His vision for MenAlive is to focus on critical aspects of men’s health and well-being. MenAlive is a safe haven in this time of transition. It offers time-tested resources to help you when you need it the most. It’s a place you can trust for yourself and your loved ones, a place we can all come together to share our experiences to help us weather the storm. None of us have all the answers, but together we can find our way.
He is a member of the Medical Advisory Board of Ro, The Patient Company. He is also associated with Riane Eisler’s Center for Partnership Systems and Good Therapy. He blogs regularly for The Good Men Project and Medium.
He’s the author of 16 books including the international best-selling Male Menopause and Surviving Male Menopause that have thus far been translated into 22 foreign languages. The Irritable Male Syndrome: Understanding and Managing the 4 Key Causes of Depression and Aggression, Mr. Mean: Saving Your Relationship from the Irritable Male Syndrome, The Enlightened Marriage and 12 Rules for Good Men are also developing a world-wide readership.
His work has been featured in major newspapers throughout the United States including the New York Times, Boston Globe, Wall Street Journal, The Los Angeles Times, and USA Today. He has been featured on more than 1,000 radio and T.V. programs including The View with Barbara Walters, Good Morning America, Today Show, CNN-360 with Anderson Cooper, CNN with Glenn Beck, CBS, NBC, Fox News, and To Tell the Truth. Jed has also done a nationally televised special on Male Menopause for PBS.
His wife, Carlin, and Jed live in Northern California. They’re proud parents of five grown children, seventeen grandchildren, and two great-grandchildren.
Ted Bunch
Ted is an author, educator, activist, and lecturer working to advance gender and racial justice and create a more equitable society. Bunch is Chief Development Officer of A Call to Men and is internationally recognized for his efforts to prevent violence against women while promoting a healthy, respectful manhood. He is a leading voice on issues of manhood, male socialization, promoting healthy manhood/masculinity, preventing violence against all women and girls, diversity, equity and inclusion, and promoting gender and racial equity.
Ted is the co-author of The Book of Dares, 100 Inspiring, Creative, Fun Challenges For Boys based on the work of A Call to Men. The Book of Dares has been called “a direct answer to parents’ cries for building healthy masculinity, respect, and emotional literacy in their sons.”
Ted is an adjunct professor at John Jay College of Criminal Justice. He is the former director and co-creator of the largest program for domestic violence offenders in America. His innovative work laid the groundwork for the prevention strategies now endorsed as best practice in engaging men to end violence against women. Bunch developed and implemented model response programs for police, fire departments, emergency medical technicians, paramedics, and other first responders dealing with domestic violence.
Bunch is an adviser to and trainer for the National Basketball Association. He has also provided training to the National Football League, National Hockey League, Major League Soccer, and Major League Baseball. He was invited to help lead the #TimesUp Engaging Men efforts and is providing ongoing healthy manhood and sexual harassment prevention training throughout the entertainment industry.
He was a guest presenter for the United Nations Commission on the Status of Women and the United Nations Alliance of Civilizations. He is an international lecturer for the U.S. State Department and was appointed by UN Secretary General Ban Ki-moon as a committee member to UNiTE, an international network of male leaders working to end violence against women. Ted’s work has been featured in the UK, Israel, Suriname, South Africa, Ghana, the Democratic Republic of Congo, Brazil and Puerto Rico.
Bunch is the co-author of A Call to Men’s Live Respect Coaching Healthy & Respectful Manhood Curriculum, designed to prevent dating violence, sexual assault, and bullying in school and sports. He is sought after for his impactful and engaging sexual assault prevention programs for young men in high school and college and has trained extensively in colleges and universities. Bunch is a frequent guest on national television and radio programs like the TODAY Show and National Public Radio, and has served as a script consultant for the Emmy Award-winning television series “Law & Order: Special Victims Unit” and for the Tony-nominated Broadway musical Jagged Little Pill.
Kenny Mammarella D’Cruz
Kenny Mammarella-D’Cruz, dubbed “The Man Whisperer” by Newsweek, is an Agony Uncle in the UK’s national newspaper of the year 2024. After 25 years of working with men in private practice and holding men’s groups in London and online, Kenny launched his daily online men’s groups when the UK went into lockdown to help keep men sane, safe and connected. During lockdown his e-book “Online Men’s Group Success: A step-by-step Guide to Facilitating Personal Development Groups for Men” was an Amazon No. 1 best-seller and his facilitation training gained accreditation, offering CPD points to therapists, coaches, organizational psychologists and leaders of men.
Kenny came from dramatic beginnings: death threats, refugee camps, paternal abandonment, maternal enmeshment, childhood mental health issues, racism and an addiction to survival thinking and the panic that it brought. He was a high-flying adrenaline junkie, meeting tight deadlines in publishing, the music business and his marketing consultancy that specialized in launches. This transferred to bungee jumping, skydiving, scuba diving shark feeding, walking on hot coals – anything to distract him from the pain and emptiness he held deep inside. He’s travelled the world sitting with the elders and working in development in Fiji, co-running a natural health center in Sydney, working with Mother Teresa in Calcutta, joining the jet-set island-hoppers before being able to stop and sit with his shadows to find his way out.
Now he is able to sit with the dark shadows of other men as they unravel their lives and unlearn their limiting beliefs, using his simple tools to set their lives free, as the gold shadows of who they might be open up to them and they are able to navigate into bigger, better lives beyond their dreams.
Kenny’s mission is to make men’s groups as available and accessible as 12-step programs, training people to hold their own groups, offering supervision, retreats and making a bigger splash in the media to normalize healthy masculinity in the western world.
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