In a world where we spend a lot of time acting independent, or falling into codependence, there is another way. We can learn to evolve to interdependence and focus on Us, rather than only You or Me. On today’s episode, Terry Real discusses his new book: Us: Getting Past You and Me to Build a More Loving Relationship.
Most people I know don’t want to be codependent, so these days many of us become independent and self-reliant. But what if we have gone too far?
On the spectrum from codependent to independent, there is a middle ground — interdependent. When we are interdependent in relationships we acknowledge the impact we have on each other. We work together to meet our needs (in a mature way) and grow.
We focus on Us, not only I or You.
How do we get our needs met together in relationships? How do we grow and learn simultaneously?
Today’s Man Alive podcast guest brings you answers from one of my trusted mentors. Terry Real has returned to Man Alive with his 30+ years of experience in the field of psychology. He is the founder of the Relational Life Institute, where he trains therapists to work with couples. He has written many books and his new book — US: Getting Past You and Me to Build a More Loving Relationship — came out this week!
I am honored to have gotten to discuss with Terry…
- The importance of co-regulation in a relationship
- The steps of relationship repair based in relational mindfulness
- 3 modes of negotiation we tend to use, and which ones actually create, rather than destroy, connection
- 5 losing strategies most couples engage in
- The background question we silently ask our partners, often without realizing it
Terry has a no bullshit approach that is also full of love and compassion. He has helped thousands of couples heal and reignite love. When you’re done with this episode, check out our first Man Alive conversation on how to save your relationships with fierce love!
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Terrence Real is an internationally recognized family therapist, speaker, and author. He founded the Relational Life Institute, offering workshops for couples, individuals, and parents along with a professional training program for clinicians to learn his Relational Life Therapy methodology. He is the bestselling author of I Don’t Want to Talk About It, How Can I Get Through to You?, and The New Rules of Marriage.
Overcoming the Secret Legacy of Male Depression, established him as one of the most respected voices in the treatment of men and male depression. His expertise on men’s mental health and relationship issues have been featured on Good Morning America, The Today Show, 20/20, The Oprah Winfrey Show and in The New York Times, among many others.