Loneliness among men has reached crisis levels, but there are ways to change this. If you’ve been feeling alone, are tired of surface-level conversations, or unsure how to find men who can be real, honest friends, this conversation will give you tangible ways to connect — one walk, one conversation, or one man at a time.
In this episode I talk with Jonathan Jacobs, founder of the L.A. chapter of Walking Talking Men, about how intentional time and connection can be simple, and create a foundation of real friendship.
We explore why so many men struggle to build close friendships, how vulnerability becomes strength, and why deeper relationships are the key to men’s emotional and physical health (as proven by the famous Harvard study on happiness).
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How Men Can Stop Feeling Lonely and Build Real Friendships: Show Notes
There’s a quiet epidemic happening right now — one we are starting to talk about more, that is costing too many men their lives.
Men are dying of loneliness.
Even men who “have it together” — careers, families, achievements — are often missing the deep, steady friendships that sustain their emotional well-being.
According to the Harvard Study of Adult Development, one of the longest-running studies in the world, the single biggest predictor of a man’s happiness and health isn’t wealth or success — it’s the quality of his relationships.
Why is it so hard for men to have real friendships?
In this week’s Practicing Love episode, I talk with Jonathan Jacobs, founder and organizer of the Los Angeles chapter of Walking, Talking Men, about this growing crisis, and how something as simple as walking together can be the foundation for more meaningful and supportive relationships.
After his dad’s death, and the realization that his dad didn’t have close friends to lean on, Jonathan started exploring his own relationships, and has become an advocate for men’s health and wellness.
In our conversation we talk about:
- Why walking side-by-side opens the door to honest, and even healing, conversations
- How men can build friendships that go deeper than “sports and work”
- How to make it safer to share vulnerability rather than toughness — the true foundation of meaningful connection
- How community can save men’s lives
- The impact of moving from isolation to belonging
If you’re a man who wants more meaningful connections in your life, or you feel more alone in this world than you want to be, this conversation is both hopeful and deeply practical.
It’s time for men to know they don’t have to go it alone. You don’t have to go it alone either.
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Connect with Jonathan
Bio:
A marketer who is never afraid to cause a little friction, Jonathan Jacobs is the co-founder of LOUDMOUTH, a creative advocacy agency, and formerly co-founded the digital marketing agency Digital Natives Group. A strategist by trade, Jonathan has worked with brands ranging from the NFL to Duolingo to Comcast NBCUniversal. He’s also unwavering in his commitment to asking better of his industry, and is an active member of the movement to expand the box on American Manhood. In that spirit, he is the founder and organizer of the Los Angeles chapter of Walking, Talking Men, bringing men of diverse backgrounds and life stages together to, well, walk and talk.
Transcript:
Shana James (00:02.204)
Hello and welcome to this episode of Man Alive. I’m your host, Shana James, and I’m really excited to be here today to talk about something very serious — the crisis of loneliness among men.
There have been some funny spoofs about it — I remember a Saturday Night Live sketch where women were sending men to the “man park” instead of the dog park. But while we can laugh about it, it’s actually an incredibly serious and heartbreaking issue.
The suicide rate for men is extremely high, and most men say they have maybe one close friend they can truly count on. So today, we’re talking about how to overcome this loneliness crisis, how men can build real community, and what men actually need.
We have an amazing guest, Jonathan Jacobs. Thank you so much for being here, Jonathan.
Jonathan Jacobs (He/Him) (01:04.366)
Thank you — I’m so excited to be here.
Shana James (01:06.656)
A quick intro for Jonathan: He’s a creative marketer and storyteller living in Los Angeles — though, for his ego, it’s important to note he’s from New York. So, two New Yorkers today!
Jonathan is also an activist working to change the culture of American manhood. He sits on the board of directors for A Call to Men and serves as the West Coast organizer for Walking Talking Men, a nationally recognized group working to end men’s loneliness through—literally—walking and talking.
I love how simple that is: walking and talking. And at the same time, I can imagine many men I tell about this might say, “Yeah, no thanks.” So I’m excited to hear more.
Jonathan Jacobs (He/Him) (01:56.674)
Yeah, I’ve definitely heard that skepticism.
Shana James (02:04.526)
Right — part of this conversation is about overcoming that skepticism so men can actually have real relationships. Maybe we start with your motivation. What are your relationships with men like?
Jonathan Jacobs (He/Him) (02:15.936)
Yeah. First of all, thank you for the kind introduction. And since you mentioned SNL, I want to shout out another sketch — the one where men only go to the doctor if the doctor’s office is turned into a podcast studio. It’s hilarious, and I highly recommend it.
Shana James (02:33.436)
(laughing) I’ll have to watch that!
Jonathan Jacobs (He/Him) (02:34.818)
The impetus for me to get into this work — and to really understand my own relationships with men — goes back a few years. In the summer of 2020, I lost my father. It was a crazy, unexpected two-week ordeal, and on his deathbed I discovered he was an alcoholic.
At first, I was trying to understand: How the hell did this happen?
Shana James (02:49.308)
Wow.
Jonathan Jacobs (He/Him) (03:03.150)
Yeah — how does a family keep a secret like that? What else was buried or hidden? I started looking at my family dynamics, but then I began examining my father’s life — what happened to him that led to this addiction?
There are biological, sociological, and psychological factors, of course, but I was also curious: why did he hide it? What stories did he believe that made him bury his pain?
I realized that for much of my life, I approached this man with one arm tied behind my back. In reality, I was trying to slap him across the face because I was so angry. But what I really needed was both arms free — to give him a hug. That’s what he actually needed.
Shana James (04:07.430)
Wow. That’s powerful.
Jonathan Jacobs (He/Him) (04:23.074)
As I tried to make sense of how his life devolved to the point where alcohol took it, I started to see that he didn’t have a strong network.
He died during the summer of COVID, when funerals weren’t happening in person. We ended up doing a Facebook Live stream — a little shrine in our house, some music, people leaving comments and memories. Afterward, I deleted his Facebook account but saved screenshots of all the comments.
Months later, I looked through them. There were lovely messages — but they were from my accountant, my mother’s friend from elementary school, my girlfriend’s aunt, my friend’s father.
Shana James (05:29.998)
So not really his people.
Jonathan Jacobs (He/Him) (05:48.919)
Exactly. He was only 67 — not an age where you’d expect his friends to be gone. And sure, there were acquaintances — business contacts, golf buddies — but where were the capital F Friends? The ones who call you on your bullshit, who know your life better than you do?
Shana James (06:25.500)
Right. The kind you can call when you’re struggling and say, “Hey, I’m having a hard time.”
Jonathan Jacobs (He/Him) (06:33.908)
Exactly. The ones who drop everything to be there for you. And I realized how the absence of that community impacted not only him, but me — the safety I did or didn’t feel with him, the closeness of our relationship.
That realization — that he didn’t have a strong circle, especially not of men — set me on a journey to heal my own relationships with men, and to help other men heal theirs with each other.
Shana James (07:26.822)
Thank you for sharing that — and I’m sorry about your father. What you’re describing is so common. Most men either don’t have those capital-F friends, or they only have a few. Some guys still hang out with their college buddies — maybe they drink, travel, or play sports together — but it’s rare for it to go much deeper than that.
It is changing — there are more men’s groups, circles, and spaces where men can connect and share. But we still have a long way to go.
Jonathan Jacobs (He/Him) (08:10.177)
Absolutely. I remember a study from about 15 years ago that said women tend to maintain friendships from college, while men tend to stay connected to childhood friends. And that’s true for me.
I’ve continued to build rich friendships with women, but I stopped building new friendships with men. And I know why — I didn’t feel safe being vulnerable with men. Without vulnerability, you can’t build real friendship, because you’re not letting people see who you truly are.
Shana James (08:42.364)
That makes so much sense. It’s not always easy to be vulnerable with childhood friends either, but there’s a certain bond — you’ve lived through so many phases together, even if you didn’t talk about it directly.
Jonathan Jacobs (He/Him) (09:07.734)
Exactly. It can even be unspoken — they’ve seen it in action.
Shana James (09:27.708)
And as you get older, it becomes more vulnerable — society tells men they have to be “manly” and stay inside the man box.
Jonathan Jacobs (He/Him) (09:33.134)
Right. We did express that kind of closeness until society told us to stop.
And that connects back to losing my father. During those two weeks when he was in a coma, I kept my close friends updated — “Here’s what’s happening, just so you know if I’m not responsive or if I reach out.”
One of my closest friends — a guy I’ve traveled the world with, literally to five continents — would text and talk with me, but after about five or six days, I noticed he wasn’t asking how I was doing. We were joking about sports, politics, work — but not touching the deeper stuff.
Shana James (10:21.531)
Yes.
Jonathan Jacobs (He/Him) (10:32.719)
And I finally worked up the courage to say something — and I say courage because it did take courage to be vulnerable and admit how I was feeling. I told him, “Listen, I feel like you haven’t really checked in with me. This has been really hard, and I wouldn’t mind if you asked how I’m doing.”
Shana James (10:38.830)
It does take courage.
And I love that you said “I wouldn’t mind,” because that’s such a gentle, non-threatening way of asking for what you need — instead of saying, “Could you please check in?” or “I need help.”
It can be so hard to ask for that.
Jonathan Jacobs (He/Him) (11:05.515)
Yeah, right. And to his credit, when he replied, he said, “I’m so sorry — I just assumed you wouldn’t want to talk about it.” Which is a really common assumption men make. But he said, “I’ll make more of an effort to check in with you.”
And he absolutely did.
I’m thankful to have someone in my life who could receive that feedback so openly.
Shana James (11:27.568)
That’s beautiful.
And it’s so common — that template you mentioned. Like, “Okay, I’m being a good friend, I’m showing up, I’m lightening the mood, I’m distracting him — I’m helping.” But that doesn’t get into the heart of it.
Jonathan Jacobs (He/Him) (11:48.803)
Exactly. It’s such a traditionally masculine form of communication — we try to fix or minimize the problem.
I think about this a lot. I was dating someone, and we were house-training our dog. One day, the dog peed on a pair of her shoes.
Shana James (11:55.845)
(laughs) Right, and for many men, that’s still how they’d prefer to handle things — to keep it light or logical.
Jonathan Jacobs (He/Him) (12:13.231)
Totally. My reaction was, “It’s just a pair of shoes, no big deal.”
But what she really needed in that moment was, “That sucks.”
She didn’t need me to fix it or rationalize it. She just needed her feelings to be seen and validated.
I’ve since learned how masculine and feminine communication styles often diverge there — and how my interaction with my friend was another version of that same lesson.
Shana James (12:25.392)
Right — “That sucks” goes a long way.
Jonathan Jacobs (He/Him) (12:42.111)
Exactly. I’m proud of my friend for showing up — but I’m also proud of myself for saying what I needed. That kind of vulnerability wasn’t something I was used to practicing with men.
Shana James (12:52.304)
Yes! It’s vulnerable no matter what, but especially for men.
When I work with couples or singles, I see how scary it is — whether you’re in a heterosexual or same-gender relationship — to say, “I need something.”
So many of the men I coach feel terrified to speak up or be vulnerable with the women in their lives. And even between men, there’s that same fear: Will I be judged? Seen as weak? Rejected? Unwanted?
Jonathan Jacobs (He/Him) (13:38.541)
Right — or seen as needy or difficult, like it’ll be work to be close to me.
But the truth is, that’s what relationships are. They’re not supposed to be effortless all the time. They require that give and take — the willingness to share what’s really going on beneath the surface.
Shana James (13:55.184)
Yes.
And I think people forget there’s a spectrum.
On one end, a lot of men never ask for anything — they just suppress their needs.
On the other end, you can swing into over-dependence — “I need you to reassure me, to tell me I’m enough.”
Most of us don’t reach those extremes, but that middle path — where sometimes you give and sometimes you receive — that’s where real relationships live.
Jonathan Jacobs (He/Him) (14:24.963)
Exactly.
Shana James (14:28.762)
And that’s what this movement you’re part of — Walking Talking Men — is really about. It’s showing men what else is possible when they’ve been trained out of connection.
Tell us a bit about how that’s going and what’s happening there.
Jonathan Jacobs (He/Him) (14:47.671)
Yes — Walking Talking Men.
Before I answer, I want to pause for one more pit stop in my own journey, because it really led me to this work.
After losing my dad and realizing how few real connections he had, I made a commitment to repair my own relationship with men — to build richer, deeper friendships as I grew older.
At that point, I’d been in therapy for about seven years. But I realized I was stagnating. Every therapist I’d ever had was a woman — which was wonderful in many ways — but the next layer of growth I needed was vulnerability with men.
Shana James (15:41.766)
Mm-hmm.
Jonathan Jacobs (He/Him) (15:47.573)
So, I “broke up” with my therapist and started working with a male therapist instead.
Shana James (15:56.285)
I’ve seen that dynamic play out both ways. Some men start with me because they feel safer being vulnerable with a woman, and then eventually move into men’s circles or work with male coaches.
Others start with men and then come to me later to practice deeper connection in heterosexual relationships.
Either way, it’s such valuable practice — because if you’re only comfortable being vulnerable with one gender, you’re missing a whole realm of growth.
Jonathan Jacobs (He/Him) (16:28.559)
Exactly. I worked with that male therapist for about a year and a half, and it helped me reset — to plant new seeds for healthy, emotionally connected friendships with men.
Then came the question: Where do I actually meet these people?
Shana James (16:44.154)
Right — where do you find men who want that same depth?
Jonathan Jacobs (He/Him) (16:55.469)
Exactly. Around 2024, I looked around and realized: I love my friends, but I want to keep expanding my community.
But where can adults — especially men — actually meet friends?
You can’t just go sit in a café and expect connection.
Shana James (17:12.304)
Right. It’s pretty random if that happens.
Jonathan Jacobs (He/Him) (17:13.871)
Sports leagues require money and time, which doesn’t always fit my schedule.
Book clubs are great, but for me, they turn reading into homework.
Then, late last year, my girlfriend and I moved into a new neighborhood — and in L.A., that’s a big deal. If you don’t know your neighbors, it’s easy to feel isolated. You might see your friends across town once a quarter, if that.
So I realized: I need people right here. People I can grab coffee or a drink with, or even run errands alongside.
Shana James (17:53.638)
Yes — L.A. is like five cities stitched together.
Jonathan Jacobs (He/Him) (18:06.791)
Exactly.
So I was talking to my friend Mark Green — he lives in New York — and he told me about something he’d started: going on regular walks with another friend named Mark. Eventually, he opened it up to other men, and that became the first Walking Talking Men group.
Shana James (18:26.694)
I love that.
Jonathan Jacobs (He/Him) (18:32.623)
And I want to give credit — the idea originally came from the U.K. in 2021, when men were also realizing, after COVID, how disconnected they felt.
Mark encouraged me to start one here in L.A. So I put up a post on Reddit saying something simple like, “Hey, I’m in this area and looking to make more friends. Anyone want to go for a walk and talk?”
Within a few days, thirty to forty men responded.
Shana James (19:10.204)
Wow — that’s incredible!
Thirty or forty men responding to anything like that is amazing. What did your post say?
Jonathan Jacobs (He/Him) (19:16.223)
I’ll share the link so you can put it in the show notes.
It was honestly just that — “Hey, I’m looking to make more friends. Want to go for a walk?”
And if anyone listening is inspired to start a walk of their own, we have resources to help you post and organize one in your city.
Shana James (19:41.414)
That’s fantastic. So you put out the call, and 30 or 40 men said, “Yes, I want that too.”
Jonathan Jacobs (He/Him) (19:49.049)
Exactly. They said, “I’m interested. I want to meet people. Let’s do it.”
Shana James (20:04.443)
I think that’s so fantastic.
Jonathan Jacobs (He/Him) (20:06.505)
Yeah. There was, of course, some skepticism — a little mockery too, which is pretty standard for anything online these days. But honestly, that reinforced for me why this is important.
It highlights the barriers men face when it comes to connection. Even just putting this out there, we got a microcosm of the larger issue.
Shana James (20:37.434)
Yes. And what are men saying when they show up for the first time? Are they like, “Wow, I’ve never had this in my life,” or “What is this?” What are their stories?
Jonathan Jacobs (He/Him) (20:53.903)
Two things stand out. First: why they come. And second: what I learn from them while walking.
To start with why — most men aren’t aloof. They know they’re lonely. They know they’re isolated. What’s missing is often just a trigger that helps them name it.
Many first-timers are recently divorced, moved to a new city, changed jobs, or shifted to remote work. They start realizing:
Jonathan Jacobs (He/Him) (21:58.401)
“All my friendships were situational. They were at the office, with my spouse’s friends, or simply because we lived in the same building. Nobody connects with me because they choose to. I need a space to meet people intentionally.”
Shana James (22:00.334)
Exactly.
Jonathan Jacobs (He/Him) (22:27.161)
Another thing I hear a lot is frustration that “community” is commoditized. Sports leagues, dinners, events — they’re all tied to money, time, or activity. And if the people there aren’t your vibe? You’re stuck.
Shana James (22:45.232)
Totally. And I don’t necessarily want to sit in a circle of strangers and suddenly get vulnerable without knowing who they are or what their intentions are.
Jonathan Jacobs (He/Him) (23:06.625)
Exactly. I don’t drink, so bars aren’t an option. Coffee shops? Not my thing either. Most other social activities are grounded in the activity, not the people.
Walking and talking flips that. We’re literally focused on each other. Walking is just the container — the real work is connecting.
Shana James (23:42.651)
Mm-hmm. I love that.
Jonathan Jacobs (He/Him) (24:05.101)
Another thing — every walk is co-created. I don’t run a formal program. I just say the time and place, welcome new people, and let conversations flow naturally.
Some guys suggested giving topics to start, but I realized that would go against the purpose. If we have a topic, the conversation is framed by it. But the real value is noticing what’s on your heart and mind without a framework. If something makes you uncomfortable, that’s a clue to sit with it.
Shana James (25:30.864)
Yes. I can see both sides. A topic could spark deep conversation, but without it, there’s more incentive to notice why am I uncomfortable? — which is a profound skill many men haven’t practiced.
Jonathan Jacobs (He/Him) (26:09.709)
Right. Shared topics can also lead to debate, which isn’t the goal. The point is finding common ground.
Shana James (26:44.144)
Exactly. And in any deeper conversation, you need some groundwork — like: first, surface-level sharing; second, emotional context; third, relational connection in the moment. Otherwise, many people just haven’t learned how to relate this way.
Jonathan Jacobs (He/Him) (26:58.829)
We’ve thought about simple aids — like name tags with a fun fact — but I try to avoid structuring it too much. The walk should be a product of what the men bring.
Shana James (27:45.1)
Yes. It’s co-created, not enforced.
Jonathan Jacobs (He/Him) (28:02.743)
What do I get out of it? It’s healing and energizing. Some days, after a long workday or interviews, I don’t feel like walking at 6 PM. But I go — and I leave with a burst of energy, great conversation, and soul nourishment.
We’re still early in forming deeper friendships outside the walks, but already, these interactions are enriching our lives.
Jonathan Jacobs (He/Him) (29:00.555)
For example, one man was navigating a parent’s health crisis. A few of us held space for him, offered advice and guidance. Weeks later, he said, “That helped me see things differently. I reached out and handled it better.”
Shana James (29:40.192)
Yes. Even as a woman, I moved to a new place four years ago — making new friends takes way longer than it did in my 20s. We’re busier, responsibilities are heavier — kids, work, parents. And it’s just not the same.
Jonathan Jacobs (He/Him) (29:43.183)
Absolutely.
Shana James (30:08.764)
I had the expectation that friendships would happen more instantaneously. If we can let that go, we can take the time to allow those relationships to build, instead of thinking there’s something wrong with us because it didn’t happen immediately.
Jonathan Jacobs (He/Him) (30:26.529)
Mm-hmm. Exactly. Think about it: the friend I’ve known since elementary school — we’ve spent months, if not years, together. These men I walk with? Maybe 24 hours total. That’s not enough. They haven’t seen me in all my moods, all my speeds. There’s still so much to learn before I can say, “Hey, I’m putting you on my Instagram close friends list.”
Shana James (30:35.312)
Yes! And I love that you just said “Instagram close friend.”
Jonathan Jacobs (He/Him) (30:56.879)
Which, by the way, is not a good metric for friendship at all. It’s just a vibe check, not a measure of connection.
Shana James (31:06.8)
I get it. That was just funny.
So, anything else on loneliness and what you’ve learned since your father passed? You’re courageously building new relationships, even when it’s scary or awkward. What advice do you have for men who want connection but feel skeptical or resistant?
Jonathan Jacobs (He/Him) (31:42.447)
I’d say: if you’re skeptical or haven’t found the right thing, create it yourself.
We see so many men online saying, “I wish this was in my backyard.” There are dozens, maybe hundreds, feeling the same way. So go create it. We’ve got toolkits. We’ll get on a call with you. We’re even fundraising to fly out and help people start their first walk.
If you feel disconnected or isolated, you’re not alone. Even with all the weddings, events, and appearances I’ve done, I’ve felt disconnected and isolated — and I wanted to do something about it.
Shana James (32:36.284)
You did.
Jonathan Jacobs (He/Him) (32:40.397)
Exactly. Don’t wait for someone else to create spaces — you can make it happen yourself. It took no money to start my walk; it’s the courage that matters.
Shana James (32:47.236)
Yes. And thank you for being honest. You can go to 17 weddings a year and still feel lonely.
I’ve started feeling more into the suicide crisis — the masking, the pride, the “I’ve got it together” facade. Even as a single parent and sole income producer, I can feel those hard edges: “What’s the use?” “Am I not worth it anymore?” People hide that pain — sometimes tragically. Talking about it, like we are now, is a first step toward healing.
Jonathan Jacobs (He/Him) (33:53.763)
Across the dozen or so walks in the U.S. and Canada — like Vancouver — men show up grappling with these very challenges. And they share that these walks allow them to heal, to move forward, to feel less alone. It’s humbling and courageous for them to show up. This is the work.
Shana James (34:31.898)
I got chills. It’s so important. One of my favorite things about facilitating men’s groups is watching that moment: I’m not alone. I’m not less than. I’m not the only one. That’s incredibly healing. Thank you.
Jonathan Jacobs (He/Him) (34:58.671)
Absolutely.
Shana James (35:00.294)
Thank you for being here. Any final call to men?
Jonathan Jacobs (He/Him) (35:05.161)
Yes — check out A Call to Men. They’re a key organization rethinking manhood and addressing gender-based violence. Right now, they’re working on their 2025 State of Masculinity Report. Go to acalltomen.org. Plug in however you can — be a voice, donate time or money, or just follow and amplify the message. They’ve been doing incredible work for a long time.
Shana James (35:40.632)
Yes! Every time they release something new, it’s exactly what’s needed right now.
Jonathan Jacobs (He/Him) (35:52.719)
And if people want to find me, you can reach me at JonathanJacobs.com or on Instagram: @JonathanJacobs89. I’ll also share links to Walking Talking Men and other ways to connect.
Shana James (36:21.296)
Awesome. Thank you so much for talking about how men can be less lonely, and the courage it takes to take action to build real friendships.
Jonathan Jacobs (He/Him) (36:24.195)
Thank you for the conversation.
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