You're not alone if you've been anxious, confused, or frustrated, while dating, or in a long term relationship.
It's often awkward and scary to ask for the connection or sex you want. Many people shut down or settle so they don't get rejected, or feel like a burden.
Most of us were never taught to create connections or relationships that stay satisfying, supportive, and sexy for the long-term.
We become adults with very little education about love, communication, or sex. This leads to painful misunderstandings, disconnection, and heartbreak. But these can be avoided and resolved through love coaching!
If you have questions about dating or relationships, or find yourself stuck in unsatisfying patterns in your love or sex life, then you're in the right place.
If you're feeling…
Or if you…
Whether you're going on first dates, or decades into a relationship, there are tools and skills you can learn to make things easier for you.
You can…
- Feel more confident, relaxed, and supported, in everything from conversations to sex
- Have a love and sex life that gets richer and more exciting over time -- for as long as you live
- Have the freedom to be yourself in a way that brings someone closer to you -- no masks, facades, or trying to be "perfect" or "lovable"
- Know and ask for what you want, without the worry of being judged or offending someone
- Be free of painful patterns and draining conflicts, and instead feel understood, appreciated, and desired
A client who was in a relationship said:
"Before Shana, I was struggling to be honest about my real needs and desires. I was giving more than I was getting in return. Shana helped me step into my power and communicate more boldly.
My girlfriend and I deepened our love and understanding. We are now happily married. With my work, I got a promotion and two raises in the same year I worked with Shana." - R
A client who was single said:
"People started approaching me, out of the blue. I wasn't doing anything different. It's like I became magnetic." - D
Hi, I'm Shana James.
For as long as I can remember I wanted to understand love and relationships. Growing up I was so uninspired by the relationships around me that I made a vow to do it differently.
I got my Masters in Psychology, and after almost a decade of personal growth work I got married. I was sure I knew what it took to make it.
When we didn't make it, it was incredibly humbling and heartbreaking. But it also catalyzed the biggest growth of my life. I had a chance to figure out how to be true to myself, rather than trying to make everyone else happy.
In the 20 years I've coached people on their love lives, I've also used mine to learn to love as best I can, and I bring all of my learnings to my clients.
I now understand what creates disconnection and distrust in relationships, and how to build trust and keep passion alive. It feels like a huge honor to help people find and keep love alive, with more ease and self-love.
I specialize in Love Coaching in midlife, because of the extra challenges we face, like career and life transitions, parenting and changing hormones.
Love coaching decreases your stress and anxiety, and helps you create more connections, instead of pushing people away. As you learn about the foundations of healthy, exciting relationships, your dates and relationships start stronger and are more exciting, and they stay that way.
My clients have been blown away as they are more desired, appreciated and supported. Through coaching thousands of people, I know it's possible for you too!
"I had grown quite cynical of therapists. Shana was the last try before giving up on our relationship. From our first session Shana helped me be honest and really hear my partner.
She helped us discover how to come back to each other, and reconnect. As an architect, when I have the opportunity to work with a truly gifted designer, it's a unique and powerful experience, Shana Is a truly gifted designer." - Jon
Through Love Coaching you'll find an upward spiral, where you become happier, more relaxed, more free to express all of you, and less worried about what others think.
You'll clarify your wants, needs, and values, and learn to speak up for yourself in a way that creates more love and intimacy.
If you're dating, you'll attract more people who are a great fit for you, and hear more YESes. You'll create healthy foundations on first dates.
If you're in a long-term relationship, love coaching helps you increase love, playfulness, support, and intimacy, and decrease conflict.
♥ Clarity: Have a deeper understanding of your needs and desires, and how to express them freely, so you get more of what you want
♥ Confidence: Cultivate an unshakable belief in, and freedom to be, yourself -- the foundation for healthy, loving, sexy connection
♥ Healing and Growth: Resolve emotional wounds that kept you stuck or frustrated, so you can feel more loved, and love more
♥ Empowerment: Know how to take care of and stay true to yourself, while creating connections.
♥ Conscious Communication: Decrease misunderstandings and conflicts, and have meaningful conversations that bring you closer than ever
♥ True Intimacy: Learn to reveal and receive another's vulnerability, so you are loved for ALL of you and have a deeply meaningful connection
♥ Partnership: Be truly supported, understood, and loved in a way that allows you to shine in all areas of life, and advocate for your needs
♥ A More Connected and Exciting Sex Life: Learn to talk about and co-create sexual experiences that are exciting, nourishing, and connected
"I have never talked about things so freely and confidently, from the very beginning of dating and then as I deepened a relationship. I feel closer and more understood than ever. I had no idea it could be this good!" - S
Midlife brings new challenges. Whether you're starting over after a divorce or a breakup, or revitalizing a long-term relationship, it's often not what you imagined it would be.
But as hard as it can be, this phase is actually an amazing opportunity for your love life to be more fulfilling and easeful than ever before.
Love coaching is especially helpful with the transitions that happen in this phase, that create strain in even the strongest relationships -- career changes, parenting challenges, shifts in desire, hormones and physical health…
In love coaching, I create a safe space to explore these challenges, so you can grow and feel more connected to a partner, or on dates, rather than feeling stagnant or resentful.
While the happily ever fantasy isn't real, I know you can have a supportive and exciting relationship, where you're even blown away by the depth of connection and excitement you feel.
Book your Free Effortless Love and Sex Consultation
I work with people who know that your power comes with taking responsibility for your part in unsatisfying dynamics. With curiosity and compassion, we look at how to create the shifts that create more of the love and sex you want.
If this sounds like you and you're ready for less struggle and more ease, book a free Effortless Love and Sex Consultation here so I can support you to create an amazing love life:
We'll pinpoint what gets in the way of the love and sex you want, and find your unique path to have it.
Note: Many people think they shouldn't need relationship help, but remember it's not your fault that we aren't taught how to do this. There's no shame in getting help! Make it easier on yourself by leaning into the decades of experience I've accumulated.
Honestly, elite athletes and successful business people hire coaches, so don't think you'd only need a coach if there was something wrong with you. I still see coaches or therapists when I need support, and I've been coaching for 20+ years!
What happens in a typical Love Coaching session?
How often and how long are Love Coaching sessions?
How much does Love Coaching cost?
What can I expect from the Love Coaching Journey?
What do people say makes Shana a great Love Coach?
Why is love coaching so needed in midlife?
Tell me about your podcasts on relationships and dating…
Tell me about your relationship book!
Why do men and women struggle so much in heterosexual relationships?
What happens in a typical Love Coaching session?
Love coaching sessions give you the tools, strategies, and guidance that makes communication and intimacy more easeful and exciting. We collaborate and tailor the love coaching to your unique needs.
- We start by creating a safe, non-judgmental environment, so you feel safe to share about your struggles.
- We create goals based on what's most important to you, and what you want most. If you're not clear about that, we'll clarify this together.
- We explore what underlies unsatisfying patterns in your love life, such as conflicts, unmet needs, disappointments, and frustrations.
- We build practical skills to replace the old patterns, and improve your love life now, and for the rest of your life.
- We help you to stay true to yourself while connecting with others. You learn to deepen your capacity for connection, emotional intelligence and understanding.
- We destigmatize conversations about sex, to give you more freedom and vitality.
- We create practices to take back into your daily life, to reinforce your insights, and create the changes you want.
- We check in about, and troubleshoot, your practices as you try them out.
How often and how long are Love Coaching sessions?
Sessions last about an hour. This gives us time to explore challenges and desires. We can meet over zoom or on the phone. I use your words, voice, facial expressions and body language to help you gain clarity about yourself and awaken your confidence and self-worth.
I tend to work in 6 month packages, meeting 3x/month. This honors the fact that, while change can happen quickly, integrating change into your life takes time.
How much does Love Coaching cost?
I have home study courses, a group program and 1:1 coaching options. These range from $499 to a $10,000 VIP package. We can discuss which options are the best fit for you.
Step 1: Book an Effortless Love and Sex Consultation
We'll figure out what's getting in the way of the love and sex life you want, and how you can have it. There's no pressure to commit at this point. We get to see if we're a fit to work together. If not, I can suggest other resources.
If we agree that I can help you create the love life you want, then you move onto Step 2…
Step 2: Book the "Overcome a Love Challenge mini program" ($499)
You get a 1 hr session + 30 min. follow up + support with any struggles in between. You'll experience the power of coaching as we explore and shift one of your biggest relationship challenges.
If you love my style and feel good about me supporting you to have more ease and excitement in your relationship or dating life, then the next step is the Effortless Love and Sex program. If you continue with coaching, we apply the fee for the mini program to your coaching package.
Step 3: Book the "Effortless Love and Sex" full program
This is where the magic happens.! With 18 coaching sessions, and 12 video modules, over 6 months, we'll help you shift from effort and struggle to confidently creating your most connected and exciting love and sex life.
At times I run this program in groups. It is always available 1:1.
What can I expect from the Love Coaching Journey?
Your journey will be unique, based on your individual goals and challenges. That said, the process typically involves:
- Assessing: We explore your current relationship or dating challenges, and clarify the path to the love and sex you want.
- Educating: You gain the tools and skills you need to be connected, supported, loved, and have a great sex-life.
- Practicing: With my guidance, you take your learnings into your life and relationships, where the rubber meets the road, and you get the real-time benefits.
- Reflecting: We review your practices and address any obstacles. We celebrate and build on your successes, to create your healthiest and most satisfying love life.
In each phase, I bring my Master's degree in psychology and 20+ years of coaching and trainings in communication, man/woman dynamics, mindfulness, and sexuality. We make your love life happen with less effort and more ease.
What do people say makes Shana a great Love Coach?
"Shana is like a cross between the Dalali Lama and Dr Ruth!"
"Shana's non-judgmental attitude makes it safe for everyone to express their truths, needs, and desires."
"Shana is a translator between men and women, and an ally for men."
"Shana gets it. She has been through a divorce, dated in every decade of her life, and now raises her child in a loving co-parent dynamic, having integrated a new partner into the family!"
My Official Bio:
As a relationship coach for 20+ years, I have humbly discovered what causes disconnection and distrust in relationships, as well as how to build trust and keep passion alive.
I specialize in supporting people in midlife, both in dating and long term relationships, who want to have the best love and sex of their lives - with deeper connection, honest communication and lasting passion.
I am the creator and host of the Practicing Love and Man Alive podcasts, and have a TEDx Talk: What 1000 Men's Tears Reveal About the Crisis Between Men and Women.
My most recent book is: Honest Sex: A Passionate Path to Deepen Connection and Keep Relationships Alive. I also published: Power and Pleasure: A Man's Guide to Becoming a Confident and Satisfied Lover and Leader.
I have a Master's in psychology, as well as DISC and Positive Intelligence certifications. I have facilitated decades of Authentic Relating workshops based on my training in communication, mindfulness, psychology and sensuality.
I turned to Shana even though I'm in a men's group, and deeply value men supporting me. Talking about relationships is something that feels very vulnerable.
Shana listens without judgment or the "right way" to do things. Her listening and wisdom gave me the clarity to move forward, take powerful action, and have more connection and passion in my relationship.- J.B.
Why is love coaching so needed in midlife?
I know it can be disheartening when it's a struggle to have the love life you want, especially in midlife when we're taught we should have it all together by now. Love Coaching will support you with…
- The effects of aging bodies and perimenopause on intimacy
- Making sure connection and attraction increase, instead of fade
- Starting over after divorce or break up
- Helping you be true to yourself with parenting and new priorities
- Reducing painful conflict and learning to talk about upsets with compassion
Love Coaching can support you to let go of worrying about doing the right thing, or what others think of you. It helps you go beyond cultural shoulds and expectations, and focus on creating your best love and sex life.
Tell me about your podcasts on relationships and dating…
I have more than 300 Man Alive and Practicing Love podcasts on relationships, dating, and well-being. The incredible guests are experts I trust, who share the information you need to have the love and sex life you want. You'll find the podcasts here.
Tell me about your relationship book!
Honest Sex: A Passionate Path to Deepen Connection and Keep Relationships Alive, teaches us what kind of honesty is effective for creating closeness, what sex actually is (rather than what we've been taught), and how to communicate desires and upsets to create more intimacy.
By examining new ways to sustain connection, I reveal a framework for relationships to start strong and get more intimate and exciting over time.
Get a free copy of my book about honesty in relationships here.
Why do men and women struggle so much in heterosexual relationships?
I see a crisis happening between men and women. I talk about it in my TEDx talk: What 1000 Men's Tears Reveal About the Crisis Between Men and Women.
My mission is to shed light on the cultural and societal factors that complicate modern relationships. Many men have been conditioned to suppress their emotions, and struggle to express their needs or connect on a deeper level.
Many women are often burdened by societal expectations of perfection and care-taking. They feel unseen, burnt out, or have given up on love.
And this can also happen across gender lines as well!
Love coaching addresses these dynamics by:
- Helping people break free from societal scripts and create a relationship that aligns with their true values and desires
- Supporting women and men to reclaim their authenticity and self-worth
- Making it safe for men and women to share vulnerably, and connect with their emotions
"Shana James is a phenomenal relationship coach with a special gift to transform my ability to be the vulnerable, open, transparent man who is worthy of an incredible woman.
Through her immense experience, and resources (that she created herself), I was able to develop my confidence, courage and vulnerability, to attract an amazing woman, who is now my girlfriend of over 9 months.
We have long, deep, lively, humorous and meaningful conversations. Without Shana, I would never have been able to be the man I am now, and be in a relationship with such a high caliber woman." - Mitch
Book a free Effortless Love and Sex Consultation where I'll answer all your questions, and get you on the path to the love and sex you want.
It's honestly not your fault that it's hard. Many people come to me after doing years of therapy, and reading dozens of books, because they haven't learned the relational skills and tools they need. As we put them into practice, with real-time support, dating and relationships become easier and more fulfilling. You're not meant to do this alone!
>> Book Your Free Effortless Love and Sex Consultation <<
We'll pinpoint what gets in the way of the love and sex you want, and find your unique path to have it.
Reminder: Many people think they shouldn't need relationship help, but it's not your fault that we aren't taught how to do this. There's no shame in getting help. Make it easier on yourself by using the decades of experience I've accumulated.
Honestly, elite athletes and successful business people hire coaches, so it's not true that you'd only need a coach if there was something wrong with you. I still see coaches or therapists when I need support, even after coaching for 20+ years!!
