Today’s conversation with men’s coach Solay Rad is a new look at how power, beyond ego, is much more impactful and fulfilling. We explore how to channel energy into purpose so you can have more of the life you want, and why partnership thrives when it is rooted in meaning and possibility. Solay also shares a new take on prayer that is not focused on religion, and that acts as a technology of intention and creation.
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A New Look at Power: Purpose, Partnership, and Prayer: Show Notes
When we talk about power, it can be thought of in terms of success, confidence, or control.
But what if power could mean something else — something deeper, more sustainable, and fulfilling?
In this week’s Man Alive podcast, I talked with Solay Rad, a thought leader and men’s coach who leads the Pray It Forward community. We explored:
- What happens when old identities and sources of power no longer work
- How prayer does not have to be religious, and can be used as a technology of intention
- How men can redirect energy from destruction into purpose
- The hidden costs of personal development
- The role of miracles, gratitude, prayer, and “the field of possibility” in partnership and your purpose
Solay’s wisdom is unconventional, and he brings more joy than almost anyone I’ve ever met! This conversation is not only wise, but extremely practical.
Whether you’re discovering your purpose, looking for a relationship, or working to keep one alive, you’ll hear a new way of thinking about power that moves beyond ego, and values connection, collaboration, and truth.
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Connect with Solay
Bio:
Solay Rad is an Iranian refugee who came here with nothing but hope and ambition. After 25 years of hard work, dedication, and sacrifice he built a financial advisory firm and became a consistent million dollar income earner. His success did not come easy. He struggled alone with some of life’s toughest challenges, from surviving war, to bomb shelters, to pornography addiction, cheating, sexual shame, loneliness, family issues, legal challenges to name a few. He got himself to this point through hard work and brute force, but it came at a huge cost. He had mastered the skill of making money, but the rest of his life was in dysfunction.
After 20 years of intense personal development with coaches, trainers, healers, and shamans Solay discovered the keys to becoming the healthy powerful man he has always dreamed of. So, he decided to create a men’s community to give away the collection of his life’s tools and knowledge, in hopes of helping men move from struggle to success, from trauma to triumph, and from stress to satisfaction so they can avoid all of the pain, struggles and challenges he went through alone.
Solay designed the Men of Means® community based on the pillars of what every healthy man desires: wealth, partnership, spirituality, and healthy sexuality, with some of the most unique and talented men’s coaches from around the world, who lead with their hearts and purpose.
Transcript:
Shana James (00:00)
Hello and welcome to this episode of Man Alive. I’m your host, Shana James. So excited to be here today to talk about things that are deep in the heart and soul and have a profound impact on a man’s life, on a human’s life, and can also be kind of controversial. We have an amazing guest, Solay Rad, here today. Solay is a thought leader, a men’s coach, and he leads a men’s community called Pray It Forward.
Solay Rad (00:06)
Thanks.
Shana James (00:28)
Today we’re talking about a new kind of power beyond ego, and finding purpose and partnership through the technology of prayer. A disclaimer – this is not about being religious. We’re exploring prayer as a technology of intention — not about religion, but about connection, the field of possibility, and spiritual growth beyond religion.
I’ll be honest and say prayer has not been something I’ve done a lot of in my spiritual journey. I’ve meditated, set intentions, and done those kinds of practices. But the word prayer, because of the religious connotations I grew up with, has been hard for me. So I’m excited to hear more about how you, Solay, view prayer. I’ve experienced your prayer and the power of it, which touched my heart deeply. So I’m excited for you to share more with our listeners.
Solay Rad (01:18)
Beautiful. Thank you, Shana, and hello to all the listeners. And boy, are we going to go on a ride today. Another disclaimer — this is not about religion. This is about real purpose and making meaning out of the experience we’re here to have as human beings. So thank you. I’ll start with a quick story about my background so your listeners have an idea of who’s speaking.
I grew up in Iran, born into a Jewish family. For the first eight years of my life, I lived in bomb shelters because Iran and Iraq were at war. My parents told me to pray, and I would do what most people do: sit on the edge of my bed, put my hands together, look up at the sky, and say, “God, please help us, get us out of this situation, send us some money, help me get a girlfriend.” And… silence. Nothing happened.
Over time I started to realize, I don’t want to be a beggar anymore. When I immigrated to America as a war refugee, I didn’t speak English, didn’t have money, had no friends. In my 20s, I discovered personal development. It helped me in many ways, but it also disconnected me from some powerful elements — which we’re going to talk about today.
Shana James (02:44)
Okay.
Solay Rad (02:45)
In personal development, it’s common to hear the phrase, “If it’s meant to be, then it’s up to me.” So I thought I had to try harder, put all the energy and effort in so I could become something. Coming out of poverty, that’s what I did. I was a DJ for many years, then became a financial advisor. Eventually, I had my own company in Beverly Hills and was managing over $100 million of assets. For a kid who came to this country with nothing, that was a lot.
But at 33, with a seven-figure income, I was disappointed.
Shana James (03:26)
Wow. You came here with nothing. What was that disappointment like?
Solay Rad (03:42)
Have you ever had a goal you worked so hard for because you thought when you reached it, everything would change? Then you get there and realize how empty it feels — and you have to start all over again. That was me. At 33, with a seven-figure income, I was deeply disappointed because I thought money and being around beautiful women would fulfill me. But it didn’t.
Shana James (04:27)
You’ve said “meaning” a few times — it sounds like that’s really important to you.
Solay Rad (04:36)
Totally. For people struggling with basic needs like food, shelter, or finances, it seems like getting more resources will solve everything. But at the top of the mountain, you realize: I missed the bigger picture. There has to be more juice in life than just possessions.
At 33–34, I was super bored. I was addicted to pornography, chasing women, spending money, over-shopping, overworking. Behaviors many men turn to when they’re bored. They try to create excitement through things that are actually diminishing or unhealthy.
Shana James (05:28)
Kind of numbing, right?
Solay Rad (05:34)
Yes. Men want excitement in life — I say we want to be horny about life. When we’re not, we create destruction, both for ourselves and others. That was me.
Shana James (05:41)
Yeah, there’s a lot of drama when that energy or vitality isn’t present.
Solay Rad (05:54)
Right. If it’s not channeled into something purposeful, most men create destruction instead of creation. I was one of those men. I couldn’t believe my life had come down to poor behaviors just to feel a little excitement.
It wasn’t until I hit what most people call the dark night of the soul that things started to change.
I call it an ego death — when an identity you’ve relied on for so long becomes useless or insufficient. You realize you have to let go and start over with a new identity that has more potential.
For me, the dark night of the soul was intense — it even involved federal government agents, beyond everyday problems. That’s when I started revisiting old tools I had dismissed. One of them was prayer.
For most people, prayer was given through religion. And they use it from a place of begging — asking for mercy, pleading. But human beings were never meant to be slaves. When we’re in that begging position, many of us, as we become more aware, realize: I don’t want to do that. I’d rather just do it myself.
So I went back into my toolbox and thought: how can I experiment with prayer in a way I’ve never done before? That’s what I’ll share with you today — what prayer is, what it isn’t, how I used it, and how I now teach it in ways most people have never heard.
Shana James (08:26)
Yes, I’m excited to hear about prayer not from a place of begging or being wrong, but more as co-creation with spirit, or with what’s beyond us. Because often, when we’re stuck in the constant need to achieve, we lose sight of that beyond.
Solay Rad (08:56)
Exactly. So much has been indoctrinated through religion. But the truth is, prayer is a technology.
When we hear the word technology, we think of things that require electricity or batteries, like a phone. But prayer is just as effective as any technology. There’s also technology that doesn’t require batteries — like mechanical, spiritual, or solar technology.
Prayer existed before religion. It existed before humans even had language. So the real question is: how did human beings communicate with our environment before we had words?
Shana James (10:02)
Right, and then I think about prayers for rain or prayers for food. In my imagination, that seems like a type of prayer.
Solay Rad (10:19)
That is a type of prayer. But let’s get more granular with non-miraculous activities. When language hasn’t been constructed yet, how do you communicate with your surroundings? You do it through intention. Intention is the tool we use as ammunition inside this technology called prayer. In other words, prayer is a conveyor belt between your intention and the field of possibility.
Shana James (10:20)
Mm-hmm. Okay.
Solay Rad (10:49)
Prayer is an insemination tool—you can impregnate the universe with your desire and intention. When we pray, we’re making deposits into the field of possibility. It has nothing to do with religion. In fact, religion saw this technology, adopted it, and said, “This belongs to us.” But prayer itself is a depository mechanism. What it isn’t: it’s not meditation, not begging, not pleading, not asking for forgiveness—though those can be part of it. But at its core, prayer is a depository tool. You with me?
Shana James (11:53)
I’m with you, yes. So as you support people in understanding prayer—what about someone who hasn’t prayed, or someone who says, “I’m not religious”? How do you suggest they start?
Solay Rad (11:55)
Great question. First, know that prayer is a tool you need to play with. The more you practice, the more accurate it becomes. Prayer is a depository tool for intention—and intention is your desire.
Shana James (12:30)
Okay.
Solay Rad (12:47)
Many of us eject from our intentions prematurely. We want something deeply, but when the world throws a curveball, we let go and say, “Maybe it’s not meant for me.” But notice that intention has the word tension inside it. Whatever your desire is, you must be willing to hold the tension. Don’t eject. Don’t let go. Hold it like your life depends on it.
Shana James (13:32)
Mmm. What does it look like to hold the tension like your life depends on it?
Solay Rad (13:48)
That’s where belief comes in. You say, “Here’s what I want, and it’s important to me.” Instead of begging—or killing yourself to make it happen—you hold the field of possibility accountable to support you.
Shana James (14:10)
Okay.
Solay Rad (14:15)
I call the field of possibility God. A lot of people get triggered by that word, because they imagine the old white man in the sky. But that’s not God. I use the word God intentionally because to me, God is the field of infinite possibility. I’m taking that word back from religion.
Shana James (14:26)
Yes. Why?
Solay Rad (14:44)
Because I want to challenge the old definition. When we hold God—the field of possibility—accountable, instead of begging or pleading, we say, “No, God. I could do this myself if I kill myself trying, but instead, I choose faith. I hold you accountable because you brought me here. My life isn’t meant to be endless suffering and begging.”
Shana James (15:18)
Interesting. There’s a kind of power or willingness in that. Honestly, it feels hard for me to access the idea of saying, “You owe me something.” How do you access that?
Solay Rad (15:33)
It’s about accountability. And for men especially, accountability requires ownership. Ownership means telling the truth to yourself and others. If you grew up in a poverty-parent household—where problems were hidden or denied—you won’t connect with the field of possibility. My mom struggled with depression, my dad with drinking, but both pretended everything was fine. That teaches you to hide problems instead of owning them.
Poverty hides, avoids, and conceals. Wealth owns. So I teach people: if you want to connect with the field of possibility, practice ownershit.
Shana James (16:53)
Owner-shit?
Solay Rad (16:57)
Exactly. Ownershit is owning your shit—all of it—and not hiding behind it. Men often understand this through business. Publicly traded companies release quarterly balance sheets with assets and liabilities. Every human being has a balance sheet too—our light, strengths, and power are our assets; our struggles are our liabilities. If a company tried to hide its liabilities, you wouldn’t invest.
Shana James (17:34)
Right, that wouldn’t feel trustworthy.
Solay Rad (17:57)
Exactly. The wealthy own their shit. They say, “Here are my challenges, here’s what I’m working on.” And they don’t shame themselves for it.
Shana James (18:18)
I imagine that makes prayer come more naturally. If you make yourself wrong for your struggles, it leads to begging, pleading, or hiding.
Solay Rad (18:33)
Yes. Imagine a beggar outside your house every day. Maybe at first you give him some change, but after a while you say, “Get a job.” The same with God. If you come from a place of begging, maybe you’ll get a little help, but in a powerful partnership, we operate from equality.
Equality means I’m not going to beg God. You brought me here; there are basic things you owe me, like protection and provision, and I’m holding you to that. At the same time, I’ll be honest about both my struggles and my superpowers. I won’t hide either.
Shana James (19:18)
I like that. And beyond prayer, I see how this shows up in human relationships too. In love, intimacy, and partnership, people come together on equal ground and ask, “What do we want to co-create?” It’s fascinating to hear you talk about prayer and God in the same way.
Solay Rad (19:58)
Amen. Amen. Let me share a quick side story, since I left your audience with a cliffhanger earlier. Remember I said I was 34, deep in my shadow work, and in a really tough place? This practice of prayer changed everything for me. I started to see miracles—and I’ll share what I mean by miracles. From there, I healed, got into personal development, and started a men’s community. I’ve personally mentored over 300 men, mostly executives, CEOs, and entrepreneurs.
And I’ll tell you, out of all the tools I’ve taught and learned, the most powerful one is this technology called prayer. Prayer is a depository mechanism. It happens when you come to the field of possibility from a space of equality. And equality means being honest with your shit.
Shana James (21:03)
Hmm.
Solay Rad (21:11)
You can’t come to the field of possibility and say, “Hey, everything’s fine, but can you throw me some change?” Ownership means, “Here’s what I’m struggling with. Here’s how I created this. Here’s my role in it. I need some support.”
Shana James (21:28)
Not just change as in coins, but change as in transformation.
Solay Rad (21:32)
Exactly—both. I need something here. And when we talk about equality and partnership, it also means that if you ask for something, you must be willing to be asked of.
Shana James (21:51)
Yes, that makes sense.
Solay Rad (21:52)
So often we just beg, instead of asking, “What can I do for you? What do you need from me?”
Shana James (21:57)
Right—here’s what I can give in return, here are the gifts I can offer.
Solay Rad (22:03)
Exactly. Here’s my offering. If you had the most powerful business partner in the universe—call it God, call it whatever you like—how often would you show up to the board meetings prepared?
Shana James (22:27)
Say that again—if I had the most powerful business partner in the universe?
Solay Rad (22:31)
Yes, in the entire universe, how often would you show up to the board meeting?
Shana James (22:37)
All the time.
Solay Rad (22:40)
Right. But most people show up once a year, or once a month, or when they’re flat on their back in bed. They don’t come like a boss saying, “Here’s what I need from you, and what do you need from me? Let’s get this going.”
Shana James (22:53)
Hmm.
Solay Rad (22:59)
This is the play. Prayer is the field of possibility. And the ticket to enter is believing that anything is possible. I call this being a possibilitarian.
Shana James (23:02)
Okay, so the ticket is believing that anything is possible.
Solay Rad (23:22)
Exactly.
Shana James (23:27)
I love it—I love your little phrases. A possibilitarian, okay.
Solay Rad (23:34)
Some people call them Sole-isms, after my name.
Shana James (23:36)
Ha! That’s perfect.
Solay Rad (23:44)
Being a possibilitarian means I believe anything is possible at all times—whether life is good, bad, or I’m struggling. You see it everywhere: someone wins the lottery overnight, life changes instantly. Or conversely, someone walks out healthy, gets hit by a car, and they’re gone. Anything is possible.
Shana James (24:11)
Yep.
Solay Rad (24:14)
So the question becomes: how willing are you to hold the field of possibility accountable?
Shana James (24:24)
Right. Am I willing? Sure. But do I know how? Is it just about believing and noticing when I slip out of belief?
Solay Rad (24:46)
Yes, let’s go there. Believing means you’re open to participating. What fascinates me is that many spiritual people, who think they’re open-minded, aren’t open to God—the real God, which is possibility. That’s the most open-minded stance you can take: that anything is possible at all times.
Shana James (25:05)
Interesting, yeah.
Solay Rad (25:13)
And I can create a relationship with the field of possibility through acknowledgement. A lot of people call it gratitude. But if you don’t acknowledge the field, the field won’t acknowledge you.
Shana James (25:30)
Interesting.
Solay Rad (25:32)
When you acknowledge the field, you activate it. Imagine being a boss with employees. If you’re stingy, never recognizing anyone’s work unless it’s miraculous, you shut down your team. But if you say, “Good job, I see you, keep going,” you encourage them. Same with God. God wants to be known as a good partner. The more you acknowledge, the more the field acknowledges you.
Shana James (26:53)
Mmm, I like that. Since we’ve got about 10 minutes left, could you share a real-life example of how you’ve used this, so people can get a sense of what it looks like?
Solay Rad (27:14)
Yes, but first I want to give one more tool. Prayer is personal—there’s no one right way. Around the world, people pray differently: dancing, singing, crying. It’s about how you deposit your intentions. Mine is through words, so I pray out loud.
But before I give an example, let’s talk miracles. Many of us think miracles are Jesus falling from the sky, Moses parting the sea, or winning the lottery. But actually, waking up in the morning, or the way an apple tree grows fruit—that’s a miracle too.
Shana James (27:45)
Yes! I sometimes look at trees and think, “That just grows? That’s a miracle.”
Solay Rad (28:17)
Exactly. Most people are stingy—they only recognize mega-miracles. But if you want mega-miracles, start giving credit to the micro-miracles. Be a miracle detective. Notice them constantly, and the field opens like a flower.
Shana James (28:53)
Yes—seeing the miracles all around me, right now.
Solay Rad (29:02)
Exactly. Let me give a real-life example. I got married almost a year ago in Tulum. My fiancée and I planned a very expensive wedding, and we prayed the whole way through—even with the guest list. We asked, “Who needs to be there? Who’s not meant to be there?” And often, the answer was no for people we thought would be invited.
Shana James (29:06)
Congratulations.
Solay Rad (29:31)
Thank you. And the way we got clarity was by asking the field: “God, please show me who’s meant to be there and who’s not. Make it so clear it’s undeniable. Once it’s undeniable, I’ll follow.”
Shana James (29:45)
Mmm. And by undeniable, do you mean a feeling in your body?
Solay Rad (29:58)
You choose your own bar for undeniability. At first, mine was really high—I needed it to be obvious, even verified by others. But as I deepened my relationship with the field, I needed less proof. A small sign was enough.
Shana James (30:01)
Okay. You feel it, you get it, right? There’s kind of a download quality.
Solay Rad (30:27)
So we prayed, we decided who needed to be there and who didn’t. And it was really painful because some of the people who were very close to us—we had to call them and say, “Hey, I’m so sorry.” It was really challenging. But we stayed loyal to the field and to the business partnership we had.
A week before our wedding, it started raining like crazy and wouldn’t stop. The night before the wedding, our planner came up and said, “Listen, you’ve spent hundreds of thousands of dollars on this wedding. You definitely need a rain cover for the whole thing, which will make it look ugly, but it’s going to rain tomorrow.”
I’ll never forget asking him, “How do you know it’s going to rain tomorrow?” He said, “I don’t know, but it rained yesterday and today.” I asked, “Can you prove it’s going to rain tomorrow?” He said, “No.” So I prayed.
Shana James (31:07)
Because it’s going to keep raining…
Solay Rad (31:24)
Immediately, I got the answer: it’s not going to rain tomorrow. So I told him, “No cover.” He was shocked. The next day, it rained all morning, but right before the wedding the sky completely cleared. For the next 24 hours it was clear and sunny. That was the miracle.
You can apply this to business, relationships, anything. The point is most of us have been traumatized by religion to think prayer is begging, and we’ve been programmed to live life on our own.
Shana James (32:04)
Yeah, I can relate to that.
Solay Rad (32:06)
But when we open the field and learn how to communicate, we recognize that partnership exists.
Shana James (32:15)
Yes. And bringing it back to relationships: many people don’t believe someone else is out there who they can truly partner with. They think, “I have to do it all on my own.” That same pattern shows up spiritually too. For me, I was raised to be strong and independent, to do it alone. Even though my family was religious in their way, I never got on board with religion, but I did take on this belief that if I didn’t do it alone, I was weak or not good enough.
Solay Rad (33:20)
Exactly. It’s common. We all want to be self-sustaining, but when we get to the top of the mountain, we realize there’s a limit. The only way to go beyond that limit is through partnership.
Here’s something to note: 85% of businesses in the U.S., according to the Small Business Association, are sole proprietorships. Not because they’re the best model, but because most people don’t know how to operate in partnership. They lie, hide, pretend. The same is true with the ultimate partner—God, the field of possibility. The more authentic and honest you are, with yourself and others, the more you connect with what’s possible. And that takes trust.
Shana James (33:52)
Right. Any tip for how to build that trust?
Solay Rad (34:31)
Trust needs to be built. Ask your partner—God—to go first. Say: “God, I want to build this with you. I’m tired of doing it alone. Show me five miracles, and make them undeniable. I put the onus of proof on you. You go first. I’ll go second.”
Shana James (34:51)
Wow. What I realize we haven’t covered is how prayer leads to purpose or partnership.
Solay Rad (35:08)
Yes. In our Pray It Forward community we explore this deeply. Once your prayers have been answered enough times, you start to surrender. You realize your needs will always be met. At that point, you shift from asking, “What do I need?” to, “What do you need from me?” And that’s where purpose lives. Purpose is about serving—but most people can’t serve until they’ve first been served.
Shana James (36:16)
Beautiful. Thank you for opening our eyes beyond rigid boxes and religious rules. The way you speak about prayer is human, spiritual, empowered, and collaborative.
Solay Rad (37:03)
Let’s do a closing prayer. And just to say—this is my way of praying. You don’t need to compare yourself. Prayer is personal. Just practice. That’s what we do in our community.
Close your eyes, take a deep breath. Relax your nervous system and feel how safe you are. Let love be present, even just a little, and expand it through every cell. Connect that love with all of us here.
God, universe, beings of love and light—we say thank you for this moment, for reminding us that possibility is our birthright, that we’re never stuck. With this knowing, we breathe into the field, recognizing our needs can be met.
God, show us the signs. Remind us how easy and playful it is to be in partnership with you. We’re not here to beg—we’re here to co-create. I pray that every listener, including Shana, is blessed with unexpected finances, healthy relationships, and access to this field of possibility. Thank you. Amen.
Shana James (40:08)
Thank you so much. This episode has really been about finding meaning beyond ego death, new ways to find partnership and purpose, and how to see prayer as a way to co-create miracles — not just the big ones, but the micro-miracles happening every day. Where can people find you?
Solay Rad (40:17)
You can find me on Instagram: @ solayrad. From there, you can join our free Pray It Forward community, where we share intentions, prayers, and celebrations. Prayer is also a celebration. We’d love to celebrate with you and your listeners in this field of possibility.
Thank you, Shana. You’re such an awesome host.
Shana James (40:47)
Thank you. So good to have you.
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