If you’ve ever found yourself replaying childhood wounds in your romantic relationships, this episode explores how parent-child dynamics often show up in love. And how you can break the cycle and create a relationship rooted in wholeness, sovereignty, and joy. We look at the path from codependency to conscious connection — and what it takes to truly heal the mother and father wounds.
Find out how to have the best love and sex of your life!
How to Stop Repeating Parent Wounds and Create a Conscious Relationship: Show Notes
If you’ve ever felt like you’re reliving your childhood dynamics in your romantic relationships… you’re not alone.
It’s incredibly common to unconsciously choose partners who mirror the dynamics we had with a parent — especially the ways we weren’t fully seen, met, or emotionally held.
This can be deeply painful. And for many of my clients, it’s some of the stickiest, most confusing territory to break free from.
In this week’s episode of Practicing Love, we dive into how these early wounds shape our adult love patterns — and more importantly, how to stop the cycle so you can have a conscious, supportive relationship.
We explore:
- What it can look like when childhood wounding and emotional triggers hijack your current relationship
- Why we form codependent dynamics (and how to shift them)
- The sacred union of masculine and feminine within us (a.k.a. the hieros gamos) and Jungian archetypes
- The power of radical responsibility in healing relationships, whether you stay together or consciously uncouple
- Practices that help calm the mind and connect you to your heart
- How to build real intimacy, and feel safe, understood and supported
We can end up numb, checked out, or emotionally volatile in our relationships. But when we commit to turning unconscious wounds into conscious relating, something extraordinary happens:
- We create love rooted in wholeness — not survival.
- We stop needing our partners to parent us.
- We stop betraying ourselves to be loved.
- And we finally begin to experience the depth of intimacy we’ve always longed for.
Here’s to healing, wholeness, and relationships that actually feel good.
Links:
Connect with Shana James
Best love and sex of your life quiz
Get a Free copy of Honest Sex: A Passionate Path to Deepen Connection and Keep Relationships Alive.
Whether you’re dating or in a relationship it shows you how to take the self-doubt, struggle and shame out of your love life.
Curious what you’d need to become a better leader and lover? Take the quiz
For Women: Modern dating doesn’t have to be a nightmare for women
Connect with Misty
Bio:
Host of the Healthy N Wealthy N Wise Podcast, Misty is a spiritual teacher, business coach and microdosing coach, working at the intersection of mental, physical, and spiritual health. She’s guided over 20,000 people through transformative work involving kundalini, sacred medicine and grief alchemy across more than two decades of coaching. Misty’s work centers on going inward—cultivating self-trust, spiritual awareness, and healing from early trauma to build health, wealth, relationships, and intuitive clarity.
Transcript:
Shana James (00:00)
Hello and welcome to this episode of Practicing Love: Have the Best Love and Sex of Your Life After 40. I’m thrilled to be here today with an amazing woman, Misty Magdalena Grace. We’re going to talk about unconscious wounding, how to stop repeating parent wounds and create a conscious relationship, and even conscious uncoupling.
For those of us who are learning and growing, doing our best to love well — it’s not always easy, and it doesn’t come with a clear path. Many of us feel off the map. So if you’re someone trying to create real love but feel like you’re without a guidebook, I think this will be a powerful conversation for you. Thank you so much for being here, Magdalena.
I love that you bring such a wide range — from being a yogi and a sacred guide of emotional and sexual liberation (which, let’s just let that one land!) to having 25 years of experience as a business coach in areas like health and sales. You’ve done so much, and it’s an incredible combination. Thanks for bringing it all here.
Misty Magdalena Grace (01:11)
My pleasure. I feel like I’ve lived 10 lives in one — but we’ll get to that later.
Shana James (01:15)
Yes! Amazing. I always like to check in about your current relationship — what’s happening now that would help set the stage for today’s conversation? I know there are some big things unfolding.
Misty Magdalena Grace (01:27)
Yeah, right now it’s early June of 2025 — and since this will live on forever, I’ll just set the scene. I’m in the midst of a divorce, though it’s not finalized yet. Last June, my partner, our children, and I went to Mount Shasta…
Shana James (01:29)
A powerhouse of a place.
Misty Magdalena Grace (01:45)
Right? We felt the call. And on the very first day, the mountain kicked my ass and broke open my heart. That night, we went to a sound healing and channeling session — because why not dive right in? The moment it started, I just started bawling.
It was loud, so I was glad no one could hear how hard I was crying. The word “disappointment” kept coming up. For context, I’d spent four years working to heal myself and save my marriage. Back in 2020, I hit rock bottom in many areas of my life, and I thought divorce was inevitable.
But then I met a psychic channel who said, “I don’t know if you’ll get divorced now — or ever — but what I do know is that your partner embodies all the wounding from your childhood. Everything you need to heal to become the teacher and healer you’re meant to be.”
Shana James (02:41)
So basically, she was saying your relationship itself was part of your healing and growth.
Misty Magdalena Grace (02:49)
Exactly. So by the time we went to Mount Shasta last June, I thought we’d made it. I thought we’d saved our marriage. But everything broke open. And by December, I knew we’d done all we could. It was time to consciously uncouple.
Shana James (03:05)
Wow. So you went in thinking, We’re doing this together. We’ll learn and grow as partners. And now you’re consciously uncoupling. I know you mentioned before we started recording that it’s been both heartbreaking and also healing — like you’re coming back to yourself. Can you speak more to that?
For me, when I got divorced, it didn’t feel like the end of something — more like we were changing the format of the relationship. We went from being lovers and partners to co-parents. I feel like there should be another word for that kind of transition.
Misty Magdalena Grace (03:57)
Yes, and it’s not an overnight thing. Because I’m a yogi, I’ll use some yogic language if that’s okay. These days, I feel like I’ve reached a place of liberation and wholeness — a peace that passes understanding. I’ve really come back to myself and my truth. But six months ago?
It was snot-flying, curled-up-in-a-ball, fetal-position kind of pain. Major somatic releases. I was asking, “Why is this happening for me? To me? Through me?” There was rage, grief, everything — a huge purge. It felt like a Kundalini awakening.
From December through February, it was mostly down — emotionally speaking. But then things shifted. I started having more ups than downs. Now, I’m mostly in gratitude. The tears that come are bittersweet — filled with compassion and a sense of liberation.
Shana James (05:04)
Yeah. That arc you’re describing — whether it’s the arc of an uncoupling or even just a moment of conflict within a relationship — I see that pattern a lot. We start with confusion and pain, and ideally we find our way to growth and reconnection with ourselves.
We stop shoving parts of ourselves aside. That kind of self-reunion can also happen within a relationship that continues. The more we can witness ourselves in that journey — especially in the descent and the rising — I think the more… not easier, exactly, but…
Misty Magdalena Grace (06:12)
To be fair, I would say it gets easier. You expand and you contract, over and over. And each time you expand, you’re in a bigger container. You can’t go back to the old one. It no longer fits.
Shana James (06:32)
Yes, so true.
Misty Magdalena Grace (06:33)
Now, I can hold so much more space for my clients and their pain. I’ve sat with my own suffering so fully that I can hold more light, more compassion.
Shana James (06:38)
Right — because you’ve gone into those deep places yourself as you stop repeating parent wounds and create a conscious relationship.
Misty Magdalena Grace (06:43)
Exactly. You transcend the emotional pain body, and your capacity to hold light increases. I don’t know if this language resonates for your audience, but the whole planet is going through an awakening — an ascension. There’s so much divorce. So much conscious uncoupling. Business partners splitting up, people leaving families of origin. We’re evolving.
If you’re not vibrating at the same frequency, it just doesn’t work anymore. We talked about codependency before we hit record — the more you heal, the less of that you tolerate or engage in. That’s the liberation I’m talking about.
When we’re born, our chakras — our energy centers — are present but not fully developed. They develop in seven-year cycles, and by midlife, they’re all active. But if they’re blocked or stagnant — like mine were — the pain builds.
The emotional pain body forms mostly between ages zero and seven. Crying for food or a diaper change and not being met? That becomes a core belief: I’m not worthy. I’m not enough. That can lead to shutting down your voice — throat chakra. You see where this goes.
Shana James (08:17)
Yes. Mm-hmm.
Misty Magdalena Grace (08:28)
So that sets the stage for the rest of your life. We often marry our wounds. My partner had deep abandonment wounds in his early years — and so did I. Our subtle emotional bodies were mirroring each other.
Shana James (08:30)
Right. It’s amazing how invisible that can be. We unconsciously choose based on those early patterns, and often don’t see it clearly until much later.
Misty Magdalena Grace (09:01)
Exactly. I believe we start off asleep, and then we begin to wake up. And Mother Earth is waking up too — purging through earthquakes, fires, climate chaos. It’s part of a collective cleansing. Our human bodies are being forced to feel and release the emotional pain we’ve stored.
If we don’t do the deep healing work, we check out. And sadly — I’m passionate about this — that’s why we’re seeing rising rates of suicide and addiction. It’s too painful to face the darkness alone.
If you don’t consciously face your emotional pain, life will eventually force you to. In my case, divorce was just one of many portals through which I had to feel in order to heal.
But the good news? Once you alchemize your pain — like turning lead into gold — you create space for light, love, and peace. That’s why I call myself an “abundance alchemist.” When you do that inner work, your outer world changes. Your vibration rises, and you become more connected — to love, to life, and to the divine.
Shana James (10:30)
Beautiful. Okay, with that context — and knowing you have such a grounded spiritual understanding of relationship dynamics — can you tell us about unconscious wounding, which has been part of your struggle or choice patterns? This might help people see if that’s what’s happening in their own lives or their partner’s.
Misty Magdalena Grace (11:05)
Sure. To give an example: both my partner and I carried deep abandonment wounds throughout most of our lives. Simply put, we mirrored each other’s pain. He was avoidant, and I was anxious. Because of my ancestry, DNA, and emotional pain body, I clung to him and became what I call the “smother mother.” I thought I had to save him — like I couldn’t save my father or brother, so I tried to save him.
He responded by checking out — numbing himself, providing a paycheck and sex, but emotionally withdrawing.
Shana James (12:08)
Going away.
Misty Magdalena Grace (12:14)
Exactly. That was our operating system. But it was full of bugs. We couldn’t come from our hearts because we were both operating from trauma and just deflecting off each other. The more I clung, the more he checked out.
We were repeating wounds that were created with our parents.
Shana James (12:36)
Was this obvious before you started to unravel things — before the divorce process?
Misty Magdalena Grace (12:43)
Let me step back. We worked on healing for four years before I decided to separate. By then, I had healed parts of my mother and father wounds, and other ancestral wounds like my “witch wound” from past lives and my religion wound — I grew up motherless in a very masculine, controlling environment.
Once I started healing all these wounds, the layers started coming off.
Shana James (13:11)
Like veils being lifted.
Misty Magdalena Grace (13:29)
Yes. When the veils came off, I felt like I was stepping into a vortex of readiness. After that healing, I had to make the decision: stay or leave. And because of the healing I’d done, it didn’t make sense for me to stay.
Shana James (13:53)
How willing was your partner during those four years to work on the relationship?
Misty Magdalena Grace (14:01)
He was willing, to be fair. But I was smothering, pushing, dragging him. I created a lot of the drama — that’s my radical responsibility. He went through the motions but wasn’t really invested for himself. I see that a lot with women.
Shana James (14:34)
That raises the question: can we truly inspire someone we love to heal for their own sake? Or are we all on our unique paths, coming to it when we come to it?
Misty Magdalena Grace (14:55)
Absolutely. I recommend books like Conscious Uncoupling, The Spiritual Divorce, and Letting Them Go.
Also, we’re healing divorce wounds culturally. My dad was the first in our hometown to get divorced, and it was seen as a sin. Now, decades later, people often have multiple long-term relationships.
Shana James (15:37)
That makes sense. Some people grow in relationship without feeling bound by their partner’s psyche or soul. When I got divorced, painful as it was, it allowed me to look at who I really am and what my soul is calling for — something I couldn’t do inside the relationship.
Misty Magdalena Grace (16:19)
Exactly. Many stay for the kids or because it was modeled by their parents. I was healing my divorce wounds from my dad’s experience and releasing the forced “grin and bear it” matriarchal DNA.
Shana James (16:49)
Beautiful. Before we started, you mentioned hieros gamos — the inner union of sacred masculine and feminine within us all. Can you tell us more about that sacredness?
Misty Magdalena Grace (16:57)
Yes. It hit me deeply during my healing journey. I realized my mother wound, father wound, and religion wound were all programming me. I grew up Lutheran, with little feminine divine energy acknowledged.
So I doubled down on the masculine — being tough in male-dominated spaces — shutting down my feminine side, which could have been dangerous if I kept going.
Then Mary Magdalene and Divine Mother archetypes came into my awareness — not religious, but spiritual — and I began balancing feminine and masculine energies. Kundalini yoga and Carl Jung’s work helped me understand the yin and yang, feminine and masculine, light and shadow.
Misty Magdalena Grace (18:59)
Jung said the masculine is light, yang energy, and the feminine is the shadow, darkness. You can’t have one without the other. For me, the ultimate example of hieros gamos — the sacred union of feminine and masculine — is Mary Magdalene and Yeshua (Jesus).
This concept transcends religion. Jung, as a psychotherapist, explored the unconscious mind, the shadow parts we repress. In my work and clients, the more we bring up feminine energy—compassion, forgiveness, allowing pain and repression to be seen—the more healing happens.
Shana James (20:08)
Yes.
Misty Magadalena Grace (20:09)
That is where the magic is — the liberation and wholeness — because you’re no longer shutting down one side of yourself: your psyche, your heart, all of it. We need both sides. We’re bipeds, humans and divine beings, and it’s all connected.
So, I had to reprogram myself over the last five years to find liberation, wholeness, and inner peace. When you have inner peace, you start attracting outer abundance — healthy masculine and healthy feminine energy. Before, I was attracting all the toxic masculine and toxic feminine.
Shana James (20:40)
Yes.
I often struggle to describe this with couples, but from the language of sacred marriage — how does that get lived out? What does it look like in practice?
So, concretely, in my past marriage, there was a lot of conflict, upset, broken trust because we couldn’t hear each other. We couldn’t show up without defending or abandoning. Our old patterns ran the relationship. Now, in my current relationship, there’s a sense that we’re here for each other, uplifting each other. We can sit with disagreement or pain, witness it, love, and continue growing together — being there for each other’s growth, rather than expecting the other to stay stuck in forms that fit our wounds. Is that how you see it as well?
Misty Magadalena Grace (21:55)
Yeah, absolutely. Because it’s an esoteric conversation, I appreciate you keeping it simple. In essence, we each have masculine and feminine energy within us. The masculine provides structure, protection, and confidence, which allows the feminine to flow and be creative. When we have that balance inside ourselves, we’re not ping-ponging off our partner or triggering each other in unhealthy ways.
Shana James (22:12)
Hmm. Right.
Misty Magadalena Grace (22:21)
When we’re sovereign beings, we hold space for ourselves and each other. We learn to communicate our needs and recognize that both matter. We say yes when we can hold space and no when we can’t. And it’s crucial that each partner has friends, therapists, a tribe — support outside the relationship.
Shana James (22:32)
Yes, absolutely.
Misty Magadalena Grace (22:51)
In the book, they mention that the number one reason divorce increased is because people moved away from their families, losing that support. So then it becomes just the two of them — man and woman, or man and man, or woman and woman — because sexual orientation doesn’t change this dynamic. We all have masculine and feminine hemispheres in our brain. Without support or community, it’s just a matter of time before things crack.
Shana James (23:20)
It’s really hard. Many couples do stay together in a state of misery. I’ve talked to many who say, “We have an amazing partnership, we’re great co-parents, we create life together,” but that divine spark — passion, intimacy — isn’t there.
Misty Magadalena Grace (23:24)
For the wrong reasons.
Shana James (23:44)
Yes. I know I wouldn’t want to stay in a relationship like that, but I also don’t want to judge — for some people, that could be enough.
Misty Magadalena Grace (23:54)
Absolutely. We’re all sovereign beings walking our own paths and making our own choices.
Shana James (23:59)
Yeah.
There are a couple of things I’m hearing that connect to practicing love: one is radical responsibility. Not blaming him, even if you catch yourself blaming, but choosing to take responsibility for your part in the dynamic.
Misty Magadalena Grace (24:14)
For sure. Thousand percent.
Shana James (24:21)
Yeah. And being willing to look at the unconscious — the wounds, motivations, what’s driving us from childhood — rather than staying on the surface of “I am who I think I am.” It’s about asking, “Who am I really? What’s actually going on beneath the surface?”
Misty Magadalena Grace (24:39)
Yeah. It’s about remembering who you truly are at your heart and soul. The ultimate love story is coming back to your truth.
Shana James (24:50)
I think it’s rare for people to come back to their heart. When we meet someone young, it’s often hormones or surface attraction — this is hot, this is stable, I can survive with this person. So it makes sense that people might have two or three long-term relationships as they evolve — the young self, the middle-aged self, the wise elder self.
Is there anything else you’re practicing that can help others going through these questions?
Misty Magadalena Grace (25:35)
Yeah, I’m a huge fan of Kundalini Yoga. I’ve done it multiple times over…
Kundalini Yoga is like an 11-minute daily practice for 40 days straight — a sadhana — including meditation, breath, and mudras (hand symbols). It’s almost like EMDR in psychotherapy. Doing this alone at home was the start of coming into my soul and heart, calling on ancestors and guides. It opens chakras, quiets the mind, and shifts the nervous system into parasympathetic (rest and digest) mode instead of fight or flight.
Shana James (26:21)
Hmm.
Misty Magadalena Grace (26:32)
Most people’s feet hit the ground and they’re already on their phone, working, arguing, or stressed. I’m glad those years are behind me. I love sitting in stillness. Kundalini Yoga helped me through my divorce decision. It helped me clear blockages, open my heart, and recognize I was still holding on to things that weren’t really me. I had to re-regulate my nervous system and remember who I really am — get into my heart more. That practice is my number one tool for flushing out anger, pain, tears, and even digestive issues.
Misty Magadalena Grace (27:16)
The yoga helped me process all of it more safely.
Shana James (27:20)
Amazing. It’s not always easy to speak about what happens when people love consciously — the ease, love, and support that’s possible, but also the growth and union that emerge. Then sex becomes more than physical — it’s emotional, spiritual, transcendent. The language is hard for that, but you’ve given us ways to think about it that are accessible — both for those new to spirituality and those more experienced.
Misty Magadalena Grace (28:13)
Since you mentioned sex, can I say a bit about that?
Shana James (28:16)
Yes, please.
Misty Magadalena Grace (28:17)
I am my own sacred Hieros Gamos — my own sacred marriage. I’m not dependent on an external force like I was for 16 years in my marriage to complete myself. That’s liberation and wholeness. When I’m ready to entertain a partner again, Kundalini Yoga will make sex sacred — that ties back to the Hieros Gamos. You are whole and complete inside. Hopefully, you choose someone who is also whole and complete.
Shana James (28:31)
Yes, yes, yes.
Misty Magadalena Grace (28:51)
That leads to major orgasms, major connection, without attachment or drama. Sex is sacred, not something to throw around lightly — that’s my personal belief right now. It’s really important.
Shana James (28:59)
Yes. Yeah.
Misty Magadalena Grace (29:15)
That’s part of the goal if you’re going through conscious uncoupling or struggling in your relationship.
Shana James (29:19)
Yes. And even with a whole partner, it’s not perfect — we’re still practicing. We still witness unconscious reactions or thoughts and choose how to show up in ways that honor ourselves and our partner.
Misty Magadalena Grace (29:33)
Oh, for sure. A thousand percent.
Shana James (29:46)
Yeah. My partner and I created dates over the past couple of years where we create sacred space to explore, heal, and dive into what we actually want or what we’re afraid to want. We have conversations about how to open more, receive more, and clear pain. It’s beautiful, practical, and spiritual at the same time. There’s the practical element of getting words out, and the fear of being abandoned or told “you’re too much” or “not enough.”
As we clear these blocks, the sacredness shows up and lets us step into a new way of being. I firmly believe we have to keep navigating those wounds as we step into the sacred.
Misty Magadalena Grace (31:00)
There’s a great book called After the Ecstasy, The Laundry — even if you have an amazing relationship, you go home and real life sets in. It’s about integrating humaneness and divinity. We’re all mirrors. We’re still going to piss each other off.
Shana James (31:05)
Jack Kornfield.
Misty Magadalena Grace (31:21)
Right. What do we do with it that makes the difference?
Shana James (31:22)
Yes, yes. Thank you for being here, a spiritual warrior who brings light and clarity. I appreciate you. Any last words before we share where people can find you?
Misty Magadalena Grace (31:41)
One of my favorites — I say it on almost every podcast: “Discipline your disappointments and never give up.” When I was in Mount Shasta, that phrase was whispered to my heart. Sometimes we get disappointed by our partner or ourselves and get critical.
Shana James (31:46)
I like that. Yeah.
Misty Magadalena Grace (31:58)
Discipline yourself to expect disappointment, allow it, be okay with it, and never give up — especially on the relationship with yourself. If it’s time to uncouple, then it’s time. But having that discipline allows more deliciousness, humility, and grace.
Shana James (32:21)
That’s brilliant. I’ve never heard that phrase, but it makes so much sense — noticing disappointment, saying it, expressing what you need to feel connected or supported, rather than lashing out or withdrawing because disappointment will happen again and again.
Misty Magadalena Grace (32:54)
Yeah, and becoming curious and compassionate. That’s the biggest lesson I’ve learned too, is how to be curious and compassionate about what is that disappointment showing me? Because it’s not just the other person, it’s my own stuff that’s coming up,
Shana James (33:05)
Yes, for sure. Thank you so much for talking about how to stop repeating parent wounds and create conscious relationships.
How can people find you?
Misty Magadalena Grace (33:12)
I’ll plug my podcast because you’re going to be on the show soon for my five year anniversary. I’m Healthy, Wealthy and Wise. Look for Misty Magdalena Grace on YouTube. YouTube and Instagram are probably my biggest channels for following me and seeing what’s up. I’m also on LinkedIn, Facebook, MagdalenaGrace.com, then you can also learn more about all of my offerings.
And I have a witchy woman’s circle coming up to help with women healing their womb and their yonis and just a lot more women’s health is also coming down the pipeline here in 2025.
Shana James (33:45)
Awesome, thank you so much. I appreciate you and feel like you can go way out there into the spiritual realms. But as I listen to you I hear this grounded clarity. So thank you for being able to translate for people.
Music from #Uppbeat (free for Creators!):
https://uppbeat.io/t/prigida/burble
License code: JYEBEACXSYUOYD5E
Podcast (practicing-love): Play in new window | Download | Embed
Subscribe: RSS