Men often ask me about the first moment of interacting with or approaching a woman. They wonder how to make it easier, less awkward or even “less hellish.”
It makes sense to focus on that moment, since if it’s not going well, that’s when the pain is most obvious.
But there’s a background to that moment that’s not always apparent. When you understand it it takes the pressure off you in that moment.
Because when you’re about to interact with a woman, you bring the background of your life with you. In addition to you she interacts with your beliefs and feelings about yourself, life and women. She gets a sense of how you treat your body. And even if she can’t put words to it, she senses your relationship to your work, friends and family.
So the more you believe in yourself, the more you are rooted in your life vision and what’s important to you, the more you’ll come across as a man who women are intrigued by.
How do you stay rooted?
Here are a few practices I give my clients to help their “background” be strong and clear when they interact with women:
1. Know What’s Great About You
I have each of my clients make a list of what’s great about them. It shifts attention from how you think you’re not good enough to how great you actually are. Where you have your attention has an impact. The more you put your attention on what’s great about you the more alive and inspired you’ll be, and the more you’ll relax with women.
2. Get in Touch With the Preciousness of Life
(And the fact that you could die at any moment)
Not to be bleak, but you honestly don’t know when your time on this planet is up. When you take on this perspective, things tend to seem less serious.
Consider how you’d interact with women if you had a year to live. How would that shift your actions? Would it give you more courage and willingness to take risks, to face the possibility of a woman saying No?
Life is precious. And life is painful. Each time we open our hearts to connection or love we risk being hurt. But if you don’t risk, you never get to experience love, connection, sex…
3. Get Clear About What Really Matters to You
What impact do you want to have on the world?
What do you want to experience in this lifetime?
What makes life feel worth living?
When you are regularly connected with this, the moment of an approach becomes less significant.
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There are practices you can use in the moment you meet a woman to ease anxiety and awkwardness but for now, start to think beyond that moment. Then, when the moment happens, it’s less significant and scary.
Here’s to you having the connections, love and sex you want with women!
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