In a time when most people struggle in romantic relationships, as evidenced by over 50% of marriages ending in divorce, we need some serious guidance for how to make relationships work. The person who guides us has to understand the root causes of struggle and how both men and women approach intimacy. Internationally recognized Family Therapist Terry Real is a masterful guide!
Show notes
I will never give up on creating a successful romantic relationship, but wow can it be challenging.
From verbal communication to emotional connection, to feeling appreciated and understood, to keeping the passion and sexual connection alive…and that’s without even getting into finances, parenting, etc.
Do you get overwhelmed by all of this?
Gathering resources to support my clients to navigate the ups and downs of relational dynamics is something I do ongoingly. And these days I believe we need a no bullshit approach to relationship!
We can’t take it lightly that more than 50% of marriages end in divorce. Whether you’re married (or in a Long term relationship) now, or want to be in one in the future, this does not bode well. We have to start understanding how to keep relationships alive.
Today’s Man Alive podcast conversation was with a man who has been called “the most innovative voice in thinking about and treating men and their relationships, in the world today.” Terry Real is an internationally recognized family therapist who has spent decades working with thousands of individuals, couples and therapists.
In our conversation we covered
- What it takes to shift resentment into intimacy and connection
- How to navigate a relationship with an aggressive woman you “can’t win” with
- The necessary shift from Self-empowerment to Relational-empowerment
- The One up / One down approach to relating that too often keeps men isolated and unloved
- How the idealized masculine image presented by the patriarchy causes men to suffer
Not only did Terry teach and guide us in this conversation, but he was an example of powerful, open-hearted masculinity. He allowed himself to be vulnerable and was brought to tears by his relationship with his son and his son’s struggles.
Don’t miss this episode if you are in a romantic relationship or want to be in one!
Links:
Shana‘s Guide for you: 3 Ways Men Lose Influence at Work and With Women
Bio:
Terry Real is an internationally recognized Family Therapist, Speaker and Author. Terry founded the Relational Life Institute (RLI), offering workshops for couples, individuals and parents around the country along with a professional training program for clinicians wanting to learn his RLT (Relational Life Therapy) methodology. A family therapist and teacher for more than twenty five years, Terry is the best-selling author of I Don’t Want to Talk About It: Overcoming the Secret Legacy of Male Depression (Scribner, 1997), the straight-talking How Can I Get Through to You? Reconnecting Men and Women (Scribner, 2002), and most recently The New Rules of Marriage: What You Need to Make Love Work (Random House). Terry knows how to lead couples on a step-by-step journey to greater intimacy — and greater personal fulfillment.
A senior faculty member of the Family Institute of Cambridge in Massachusetts and a retired Clinical Fellow of the Meadows Institute in Arizona, Terry has worked with thousands of individuals, couples, and fellow therapists. Through his books, the Institute, and workshops around the country, Terry helps women and men, parents and non-parents, to help them create the connection they desire in their relationships
Terry’s work, with its rigorous commonsense approach, speaks to both men and women. His ideas on men’s issues and on couple’s therapy have been celebrated in venues from the Good Morning America, The Today Show and 20/20, to Oprah and The New York Times.
A proponent of “full-throttle marriage,” as described in The New Rules of Marriage, Terry has been called “the most innovative voice in thinking about and treating men and their relationships in the world today.”
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While I appreciate many aspects of The New Rules of Marriage, I find Terrance Real’s word choices regarding women to be offensive, gendered, and anachronistic. Examples: Shrill and henpecked. Clearly, those words imply a judgement he would not apply to men. Even in light of the book having been published in 2007, I expect better. Perhaps a female editor or co-writer could lend a more evolved perspective.