What would change if you knew you could calm someone down, anytime there was an escalation of conflict or upset? Today’s guest has worked with thousands of people, including those in prisons, and has found a revolutionary way to create more peace and connection, fast.
Conflict is hard and uncomfortable for most of us. It can cause sleepless nights and depressed days. It can create unrepairable rifts in relationships with people who are important to us.
What if you knew how to calm someone down when they were upset, and even have them feel more understood than ever before?
What if you could make that happen in only 90 seconds??
It sounded impossible to me, but today’s Man Alive podcast guest created a method of de-escalating tension and conflict that he has tested on thousands of people. He uses it in high stakes situations like divorce mediation, relating with his wife and even with murderers in maximum-security prisons!
Doug Noll is the author of four books, including his latest: De-Escalate, which we discussed on the podcast. In our conversation we covered…
- What happens in relational dynamics because people are 98% emotional and only 2% rational
- How to de-escalate an angry person in 90 seconds or less
- What emotional invalidation is and how most of us felt it growing up, especially men
- How to listen beyond the content so others feel deeply understood
- What neuroscience has found that psychologists may not be practicing
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Doug Noll was born partially deaf, nearly blind, crippled, and super smart. (All buzzkills for the girls in his early years.) However, he went on to graduate from Dartmouth College, earned his law degree, and became a ferocious civil trial lawyer for 22 years. Then, Doug went back to school to become a peacemaker. Since he left his lucrative law practice in 2000, Doug has devoted his life to understanding human conflict. His groundbreaking work in de-escalating anger in potentially violent confrontations has transformed the lives of thousands.
Doug is an award-winning author of four books. His latest, De-Escalate, was published in September of 2017. Doug’s work carries him from international training to helping people resolve deep interpersonal and ideological conflicts. He is the co-founder of Prison of Peace, in which he has spent the last 12 years teaching murderers in maximum-security prisons to be peacemakers and mediators. In 2012, Doug was honored by California Lawyer Magazine as California Attorney of the Year.