Today’s episode focuses on how to navigate a woman’s anger, especially when it’s not as conscious as it needs to be to sustain trust and connection.
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Show notes
I believe anger is a natural part of being human, and we all feel it. However, depending on how we were raised, we feel it to varying degrees, including not at all.
Our nervous system can bypass our feelings of anger so quickly, it’s like we never felt it at all. I know this from personal experience and wrote recently about how I didn’t even realize I got angry until I was in my mid-twenties. Because I witnessed a lot of explosive anger growing up — another way of feeling it — I committed to never get angry. But that isn’t a healthy commitment for a person to make.
Expressing anger in unskillful ways can cause a lot of pain for others. Have you ever been on either side of this dynamic?
In a recent episode, Dr. Susan Campbell and I talked about how to express anger in healthy ways. Today’s episode focuses on how to navigate a woman’s anger, especially when it’s not as conscious as it needs to be to sustain trust and connection. Melanie Curtin, sex researcher and host of the Dear Men podcast, and I discussed…
- How to avoid the secrecy and shame many men feel about being in a relationship with a woman gets very angry or rageful
- How to know when it’s abusive anger vs healthy anger
- The negative impact of internalizing anger, which can result in tension, anxiety and depression
- The potential for a couple co-digesting emotions and co-creating a shared nervous system
- The positive sides of making conscious space for a woman’s anger, and how it can enliven attraction
Unfortunately, statistics from the Office for National Statistics, aka ONS, and the Mankind Initiative have data, as of 2022 and 2023, show that:
- One in three victims of domestic abuse are male, and two in three victims of domestic abuse are female
- And one in seven men (13.9%), as well as one in four women (27%) will be a victim of domestic abuse in their lifetime
No one deserves abuse. I know it can be hard to admit if you’re in a situation that causes you to judge yourself or feel weak, but please reach out for help if you wonder if you’re in an abusive relationship.
You can call or chat through the National Domestic Violence hotline.
When you’re done with this episode, if you haven’t checked out Dr. Campbell’s episode on expressing anger in healthy ways, you can find it here.
I hope your relationships are conscious, respectful and emotionally safe. If not, please reach get help.
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Bio:
Melanie is a sex researcher and men’s coach with a Master’s in Communication from Stanford University. She is a columnist at Inc. magazine, and has been published or seen on TODAY, Huffington Post, Forbes, Business Insider, The New York Observer, and more. She has been coaching men for over six years, and specializes in bringing a woman’s perspective to men, so they can connect and succeed with women in fun, inviting, and meaningful ways that lead to fulfilling sex and relationships.
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