There is something women long for.
It’s difficult to convey and even harder to describe.
But I will try. Because this longing is deep. It’s vulnerable.
AND it’s a doorway into a woman’s heart and body!
Few men know how to meet this longing. But if you don’t meet it, you miss out on a woman’s depth and passion.
When you learn to meet it, you get the exquisite experience of a woman’s heart and body opening to you. Which can nourish you and awaken power, pleasure and vitality within you, like nothing else can.
Alright Shana, what is it women long for?
One way to describe this longing is that it’s a deep desire to be known and understood.
Instead of trying to fix a woman’s problem or telling her she’s overreacting, it looks like taking the time to understand what she’s trying to show you.
Another way to explain this longing is that it’s a vulnerable ache to be felt or attuned to.
Instead of “Don’t worry, it’s going to work out,” it looks like acknowledging what she’s actually feeling first, which could be as simple as,”You seem sad.”
Especially in moments when women are full with feelings (and afraid we might look a bit crazy to you) we long to have a man slow down, come closer, open his heart and attempt to really understand what’s happening.
Here’s an example from my past to help this make sense:
I was with a man I was dating. We had come inside after a lovely bike ride. Suddenly I felt a distance between us. He sat down on the bed and started reading a book. A few minutes later he rolled away from me and faced the other side of the bed. I wasn’t sure what to say or do.
I shared something in that moment about how I wasn’t sure how to relate to him, but it didn’t bring us closer. A bit later we were discussing what we’d do next with our day. He asked what I wanted to do. With tears in my eyes I said, “It’s not the what. It’s the how. Whatever we do I want to do it feeling connected to you.”
I paused and then said, “It seems like you go away, inside, sometimes. I don’t think I’m imagining it but I’m not sure. It feels jarring and I don’t know how to relate to you in those moments.”
Tears started streaming down my face.
He sat there quietly for a moment and then pulled me to him. He held me and silently looked into my eyes. I could see he was thinking.
Then he spoke to exactly what had happened:
“I can see how starting to read a book when we came back in the room, and then rolling away from you toward the other side of the bed, could have felt rejecting,” he said.
He spoke to what I was feeling with warmth and care! “Yes,” I said.
“You are a sensitive and beautiful woman. It’s been a long time since I’ve been with anyone who has been attuned to me the way you are,” he said.
He acknowledged my sensitivity as a strength. “Thank you,” I said.
He continued to hold me close. “I love feeling how tender you get when you’re emotional. Your body won’t quite open to me,” he said.
He noticed the subtleties of my body and emotions. And even beyond noticing, he appreciated them, even what could have been seen as negative.
More tears rolled down my face. But this time they were tears of my heart and body relaxing open. The fact that he “got” me so completely, melted me.
Because he so beautifully met this longing of mine, to be understood, felt and cared for, in just a few minutes we were reconnected. The spark that had been dull was now fully lit. I wanted nothing else in that moment but to make love with him. And not only were we turned on again, but we were closer and more connected than we’d ever been!
How can YOU meet this longing in women?
This takes some learning, and it’s not for everyone, but you can do this.
You can communicate with women so they feel cared for, understood and appreciated! You can connect with women in a way where they feel safe and open their hearts and bodies with you.
The most important pieces to make this happen are:
1. Being aware of your own emotions and sensations and able to communicate them
2. Sensing what a woman is feeling in the moment
3. Staying present and grounded in the face of a woman’s emotions
4. Responding without defending or trying to prove you’re goodness
5. Seeing the positive intention and appreciating something about her expression
This may seem complicated. It does take courage and strength to connect in such a loving way, but it’s also a more exciting way of relating than most men ever experience. And that’s why I’m here. The short-cut to learning this is to practice with a woman who is an expert at giving you clear and useful feedback, to hone your skills.
If you’re ready to create more inspiring and intimate connections with women, fill out an application to schedule a conversation with me. I have 3 VIP coaching spots available starting in June
When you cultivate the ability to stay connected with women when they’re emotional, even if it’s tense and scary, women will open to you more and more. Women start to feel drawn to, and even devoted, to you. My clients have also found that learning this increases success in other areas of their lives too — career, finances, health. It’s a powerful skill to have.
Here’s to you having more of what you want!