High-quality, up-to-date, and accessible sexual education resources for adults is not always easy to come by. This is the mission of BEDucated, a company founded to empower grown-ups with pleasure-based sex education. In today’s episode we talk about adult sexual phases, how to open beyond taboos and what makes it more likely for you to experience more connection and pleasure.
Show notes
Most of us who are currently adults did not get much sex education growing up, if we got any at all.
We can look back on this lack of education and see how it has caused pain and breakdowns in our relationships and sex-lives.
Add to this the cultural and family taboos that have evoked shame about sex, and many people have a limited view and experience of the intimacy that is possible.
Today’s Man Alive podcast guest, Mariah Freya, is the co-founder and CEO of Beducated, the largest sex education company for adults, offering high-quality, up-to-date, and accessible sexual education resources to grown-ups worldwide. Beducated is an online platform that offers 100+ courses on sex and relationships, led by many of the world’s top experts.
In our awesome woman to woman, heart to heart discussion we talked about…
- Why 56% of couples are not satisfied with their sex lives
- The need to question taboos if you want freedom and exploration in your sex-life
- The sexual cycles we go through in our adult lives, and how each one is special and an opportunity to grow
- What happens when you release the pressure for penetrative sex
- Why it is healthy and self-affirming to prioritize your sex life
Here’s to you having a healthy and exciting romantic relationship and sex-life!
Links:
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Bio:
Mariah and her husband Phil are founders at Beducated and lovers since 2007. Once upon a time, their sex life turned “meh.” Instead of giving up, they decided to do something about it. So began their self-development journey. They scoured the world for knowledge, attending workshops and events across continents to learn how to be better lovers. They discovered that sexual happiness is trainable and that anyone can experience a transformation with the proper guidance. But they also realized information about sex on the internet is scarce, dodgy, and would frankly make most people cringe. Plus, not everyone has the time, resources, or will to attend workshops or speak to experts in person. That’s why they founded Beducated, to provide a high-quality, up-to-date, and accessible sexual education resource to grown-ups worldwide.
Transcript:
Shana James:
I’m here today with the co-founder of Beducated, Mariah Freya. Mariah. Welcome!
Mariah Freya:
Thank you for having me.
Shana James:
I am very excited about what you’re doing in the world. We were talking a little bit before we got started, and knowing that we have a similarity — that you’re very interested in adults continuing to have sexual education and pleasure-based education throughout their lives.
In my recent book Honest Sex, I told the story about how my mom, when I was 16, threw a book on my bed. It was this little cartoon book of two chubby little humans getting naked and having sex. And she said, “Oh, I meant to give you this when you were eight.”
And I had a sex-ed teacher who taught us about the uterus and putting condoms on a banana and then said, “Have a good weekend and keep your pants on.”
Mariah Freya:
I know where you’re coming from — a similar history. This place where you’re like, “Hey, we actually need this kind of education. We need to know what’s possible, what’s out there, and how to communicate about it.”
So thank you so much for creating this for people in the world.
And thanks for introducing me. I love that story of yours — sex education somehow always comes too late… or never.
I never got that book either, even in a better version!
Shana James:
So how did you start Beducated? What was the impetus? I know you started it with your husband. What kicked this off?
Mariah Freya:
So I grew up in Germany. I’m a German citizen, and like in most countries, sex is a taboo. I think there’s actually no country where sex is not a taboo.
Sex ed in Germany was pretty much the same — very unspectacular, biological, and not pleasure-based. And I define pleasure-based sex education as the type that is actually relevant to my life situation, where the focus is pleasure, not only health. Of course, it includes health, biology, anatomy — but it goes beyond that: learning how to kiss, how to touch, how to give oral… really going deeper.
Most of us didn’t have that type of education. I had quite a few ups and downs in my sexual journey — or how I call it, my sexual life cycle. I had negative experiences that impacted my libido as a teenager. It was volatile — sometimes very strong, sometimes gone for months.
That caused trouble in my relationships. I’m bisexual, but I mostly dated men. And I was usually the one withdrawing or not having the same desire level — and you can imagine with young men, they often have the expectation of wanting sex every second day, or daily, or… three times a day.
So you get into trouble. And it’s sad that it is trouble — because there are ways to navigate it, but I had no idea how.
Some relationships didn’t last long. But with my husband — we’ve been together 16 years now — what worked was that he was willing to listen, understand, and suggest we find a way together. That “extra kick” from him — opening a little door saying, “Hey, maybe there’s something we can do about this.” Because I thought, “This is just how I am. I was born like this.”
So that’s how I eventually got into Tantra. Together we explored swinging, BDSM, different ways of discovering our desires. I realized that even if I wasn’t feeling like penetrative sex, I did feel like something else.
Shana James:
I love this. And blessings to him — that he didn’t take it personally and could collaborate with you.
And yes — learning how to kiss, learning touch — people often think, “I should just know how to do this. If I don’t, something’s wrong.”
But why would we know if no one taught us?
I love that you’re normalizing the idea that learning is part of a sex life.
Mariah Freya:
Exactly. We tend to put sex education into the “teenager, school” category and then pack it away in a box forever.
Then shame and taboos keep that box closed.
I’m originally a social worker, always interested in empowerment. And as I questioned taboos and explored physically, it impacted me and our relationship so much that I started blogging about it. That’s where the Beducated journey began.
Today, it’s the largest sex-education platform for adults. We offer over 100 courses: sensual massage, BDSM, oral, kissing, everything in between. A pleasure-based place to learn.
The diversity is huge — scrolling through all the possible courses gives you tools and normalizes exploration.
Shana James:
Yes! In my book I talk about how I discovered orgasmic meditation from a glowing woman in a bathroom. Most people don’t have that entry point.
Thank God for what you’re doing — making it searchable and findable.
Mariah Freya:
Thank you! And yes, normalizing this is key.
I read a German study saying over 60% of Germans desire a threesome, but only 0.2% actually have one.
Such a gap between reality and desire — and desire shouldn’t be a secret.
Beducated is a great entry point because many people hesitate to talk to a coach or admit they want change. Learning anonymously from home is easier.
Shana James:
I think the way I found you was that my partner and I were looking for tantric exercises. I loved your site and wanted to talk to you.
Mariah Freya:
I love the massage courses. There’s so much you can do with hands and with setting an intentional space — instead of the typical foreplay → oral → penetrative sex → orgasm routine. That gets boring eventually.
After 16 years, I know the sexual life cycle has ups and downs. New relationships have natural passion, but after a few years you’ve done everything you know. It can lead to a decline in sexual satisfaction.
And being a mother adds a whole new chapter.
Shana James:
Yes. How does that look in your life?
Mariah Freya:
Becoming a mother is a complete reset. You’re creating a new identity, and it’s hard to find your way back to being you, a lover, a wife. It takes intentionality and focus to switch roles.
It’s also challenging for men. They juggle a lot too, but they don’t go through the physical healing process after birth. There are studies showing hormonal shifts in men after birth, but still, the difference is big.
I feel like around two years after having kids is when it gets really hard.
Shana James:
Say more about that.
Mariah Freya:
Biologically, they say men naturally stick close for the first two years to support the partner. But if intimacy doesn’t return after that, men may get bored, impatient, look elsewhere, or withdraw entirely.
Often the kids sleep in the big bed with the mom and the husband moves out to a couch or another room. That space becomes hard to warm up again.
What we do now is: our kids are in childcare, which gives us a few hours. But work fills up quickly. So at Beducated we created “meeting-free Wednesdays” — nothing scheduled. That’s when we create intimate space, like morning dates.
Shana James:
In your TED talk you mentioned how sex naturally happens in the evening, but most parents are exhausted. Even without kids, people work so hard that evening sex becomes impossible — or they default to TV instead of intimacy.
And if a couple isn’t “on the same team,” it’s hard to solve when and how to connect sexually.
Mariah Freya:
Exactly. We orient our schedules around what feels good for us. And yes, after 16 years there are ups and downs.
Shana James:
Do you have any suggestions for men listening — something that helped you reconnect?
Mariah Freya:
Yes: I appreciated it whenever my husband simply named what was happening without blaming:
“Hey, I feel like not much is happening between us right now. Do you feel the same?”
Acknowledging the truth without shame invites conversation.
If he came to me saying, “I hate our sex life,” I would shut down completely.
Shana James:
Yes! That’s why I often tell men to vent to me, not their partners. It’s too activating for women when it’s dumped on them.
Mariah Freya:
Exactly. Men can find other ways to release pressure — sports, movement — before talking
And have the conversation when the kids are asleep, not in passing.
With our morning dates, there’s no pressure for penetrative sex. Sometimes we just hike — that still builds intimacy. Sometimes we choose alone time.
Every little investment strengthens intimacy.
Shana James:
Beautiful.
Mariah Freya:
And I always say: pleasure first, orgasm second.
Shana James:
I love that. Yes — pleasure and exploration instead of goal orientation.
Can you talk about the different sexual cycles people go through, especially men in their 30s, 40s, 50s, and 60s?
Mariah Freya:
Yes. From mid-30s sex often gets easier. We’re less perfectionistic, less insecure.
Experience gives confidence.
But the challenge is time — careers, kids.
In the 40s, some health conditions pop up. Testosterone decreases each year (not as drastic as women’s estrogen drop in menopause, but steady).
Men may experience erectile issues or anxiety.
Midlife crisis stuff can come in — body image, fitness, identity.
Then in the 50s, if a partner is going through menopause, another layer arises: painful sex, libido fluctuations, and men also experience their own libido shifts.
Our bodies are constantly evolving sexually.
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I am intrigued to browse your catalog of courses with my partner and see if there’s anything that sparks her interest! It sounds like you have a very complete palette of offerings around pleasure for couples that might have something for everyone!