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Don't Settle For Less
Podcast: Play in new window | Download | Embed
Subscribe: Apple Podcasts | RSS
Many men I’ve coached forget that women feel nervous and awkward too.
Part of my mission with you, with all men, is to let you behind the curtain, to make sense of women and humanize the experiences we share. So you can stop feeling alone, or less than.
Because every woman I’ve ever met, at times, struggles to remember her own worth. And when you really get that, connecting with women is much easier.
I found a journal entry from years ago when I was struggling with dating.
As vulnerable as it feels to share, my hope is that seeing inside my mind and heart will help you see that you’re not alone. And will relax the part in you that thinks you need to be perfect or have it all together.
Here’s the journal entry:
The heartache I hate feeling. Ripping open my insides. Calling everything into question. My worth. My beauty. My attractiveness. My intelligence. My sense of humor. ALL of it.
I remember laying on girlfriends’ couches in my 20’s, barely able to eat or talk, letting my aching heart heal.
Am I really here again? With this ache? In my 30s?
Will he call? Will he text? Will he want me?
Are his actions signs that he doesn’t want me? Or signs of his own fear and insecurity?
Should I bail now so I don’t look like a fool? If I risk sharing my desire and he says No, can I face him and others?
I’m on the road to insanity or to profound growth. Likely both. I know it’s time to do the practices I need to stay sane and to reach out for support.
I feel the tender awakening of voracious hunger. The kind of hunger that may never be satiated in human form, but god knows my body and heart try. This hunger feels like a root canal for my heart but leads me deeper to truth.
Thank you Kahlil Gibran for laying out the path:
“For even as love crowns you so shall he crucify you. Even as he is for your growth so is he for your pruning. Even as he ascends to your height and caresses your tenderest branches that quiver in the sun, So shall he descend to your roots and shake them in their clinging to the earth.”
—-
So please remember that you’re not alone in your self-doubt, your awkwardness or your hungry body. And that it doesn’t make you weak, small or less than a woman.
We women share this humanity with you.
Remind yourself of your amazingness.
Forgive yourself for your humanness.
Then you can stop looking for proof of your greatness outside yourself, in your connections with women.
The proof is within. No question. You are an incredible man!
***
As we guided them to tap into their strength and at the same time share their vulnerability, they were unstoppable. The women in the room were ooohing, aahing, sighing, even moaning. It got hot in there!
I thought about how rarely men are guided or given permission to share their vulnerable parts. You've more than likely been taught that it's weak to show them.
One of my most amazing experiences from the weekend was participating in an exercise where we wrote love letters to our future partners/beloveds. I was in a group with two men who had never done anything like this. As they read their letters I was struck by how touching their desires were. They were tender, sweet, loving and kind.
As we gathered with the larger group it was clear that other women were similarly touched by men's letters. Women even said they regained faith that men could meet them emotionally!
I can understand why you'd think it was weak to share your vulnerability. Especially without having examples of men in your life who did so. But it takes incredible strength to share your heart.
As one man shed tears in front of the whole group I asked the women if they were more drawn to him or less. They unanimously answered MORE!
Know that women are often moved by your tears, desires and tenderness. And that women often feel honored when you're willing to share with them.
But if you happen to find a woman who is mean to you when you're vulnerable, let her go. You deserve to be received with love and compassion.
With love,
Shana
P.S. I have been working on a new free video course: Confident and Relaxed with Smart Sexy Women. I'll send details soon so you can check it out!